Tuesday, December 21, 2010

My missioning genius came through to the aid of the black guy

Another night, another impressive run of missions behind me: 3 Gone Berzerk missions, The Blockade and Worlds Collide.

The wallet was nicely topped up. At this rate I can soon spend this money earned from my missions to buy more stuff for my missions so I can run more missions. I love missions.

Though what I don't love is inefficient missions, but I see it as a way for CCP to reward me for my intelligence and ability to think ahead and reason out reward compared to time and effort invested. "But Sir Tubes," I hear you ask, "which missions do you deem efficient and worthwhile in your revered opinion?"

I look at it related to isk earned per "tick". And with this in mind, some of the missions I would highly rate would be the ones I listed above (of course!) as well as Recon 1/3, The Assault and Angel Extravaganza (barely) to name a few.

Yet there are some in my alliance who fail to take my advice. Today was a prime example of this.

Lord "Black bible basher guy" Albanii was running level 4 missions in a Dominix, a worthy choice of ship I must say. What wasn't so impressive was his choice of mission.

Massive Attack

I think this is an in-joke with CCP. You see, a band called Massive Attack had a hit with a song named Teardrop. When I used to run this shitty ass mission it would cause tears to drop from my eyes. Coincidence?

He needed help with some rats or something, which I found laudable as the mission has fuck all dps. Though it seems CCP has changed the way the mission works slightly. When their advanced AI detects a noob, black guy, or both, has entered the mission area it will spawn a Leg-ion-ion and a Myrmidon-ion to fuck around with him a bit. When he stupidly decides to fire on them, they will then point him and call for more NPC reinforcements.

As soon as I heard this from Lord my first thought was "...Massive Attack? Really?"

I decided I'd investigate in my craptastic scanning/cloaking Protus so I could laugh while he died. A few more people from my alliance came in useless ships, DON'T THEY KNOW A VEXOR SUCKS FOR LEVEL FOURS?!?!

Lord was in the 2nd room, but as soon as I landed at the entry acceleration gate for the mission, and just after I threw holy water over myself asking for forgiveness for entering this godforsaken mission once more, an NPC Megathron-ion rat spawned beside me. It must be support for the NPCs already on Lord. He can just about tank them but this rat would smoke his ass.

...I MUST DESTROY HIM!!! LORD'S SURVIVAL DEPENDS ON MY SKILL!!!

I knew the rat's inherent weakest resist, and began expertly taking the puny battleship apart. Burseg showed up halfway through, barely adding any dps, hoping to nigger in on the bounty I think. So did Saggy

For some reason I didn't have the ability to shoot the rats in the room with Lord, but Burseg and the rest exploited the game mechanics or something as they could. After almost getting his ass kicked by one rat Burseg RAN AWAY and sobbingly pleaded with me to borrow my "awesome rape face Dominix" (his own words) to complete the mission. His bitch ass moaning got so irritating I caved in, plus I could buy a new one no problem with all the isk I make missioning.

He proceeded to use my AWESOME FIT Dominix to rape the face of the Leg-ion-ion rat and take all the credit, while Lord and Saggy FINALLY brought down the Myrmidon-ion rat.

Naturally, even though the mission success was all due to my mission genius, I didn't get to keep any of the fucking loot.

This is why I don't let them in my mission fleet.

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