Sunday, January 23, 2011

You expect to fun run and live? Pathetic!

"In 2011, a crap homosexual unit was sent to 00 by a queer need for sec for a Hulkageddon event. These fags promptly headed from Seyllin to the Orvolle jump to null sec. Today, still destroyed and podded, they survive as soldiers of sucking cock. If you have a penis, and no one else can suck it, and you can find them, maybe you can hire the GAY-TEAM.

'General Tso's suck big dick
They take loads on the face
And will take it in the butt
General Tso's suck at EVE
If you call them (if you call them)
They will gladly suck on your dick
They'll open their ass and take it in the butt.'"

Enough of that. 

So, we had a fun run. Big woop. Wanna fight about it? We jumped into PF thinking that all doom was going to rain down. We were more than surprised when nothing happened. There was no gate camp. We decided to stay and rat a bit between PF and FDMLJ, and in awe we realized there was no blob headed our way. Too bad.

So, I, the supreme commander, directed the fleet to head all the way to fountain. 26 jumps that turned gay as we entered. Our small phalli glimmered in the light as we raped those damn Serpentis from every system. "Fuck your chains!" we shouted, as the puny battleships fell to their knees. Not one was too tough for our might. Little did we know a Maelstrom was following us.

About 16 jumps to our destination, as we came out of warp to the next gate, a Maelstrom 150km out targeted Harbinger. Although there is no live footage from the event, I will demonstrate what happened in a picture.

I must mention, somewhere along the line, our shitty fleet warped in on a HAC. It was in such awe of our shitness, that he decided to self-destruct. A wise decision, for we all would of been dead had he decided to engage.

Leaving that queer behind, we run away with our tail between our legs. Local residents now alerted, we were being chased. We get to about 10 jumps to the final destination, and after waiting for a drunk JW, a half dozen stealth bombers launch their jizz-load towards us. We were doomed.

Our 14 man fleet was reduced to 11 in 6 jumps. After telling JW to stop dragging ass, we collectively (by collectively I mean JUST ME) decided to leave him behind and proceed with the quest of ringing the bell. What happens when you're a drunk JW that drags ass? I think we all know...

We reached our destination, down to 10 members. Some queer named Salid checks D-Scan only to see an EREBUS!!! Well, we had to go conquer this mighty beast, so we warp to the POS where it was located. The POS, a very intelligent creature, decides not to waste its time engaging our SHITTY fleet. Even after attacking it, it tells us to fuck off, but fears wasting any ammo on our CRAP VEXORS.

I will now caption what happened in pictures, because my chubby fingers are tired of typing!



Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Incursions have.... broken shit.

For fuck's sake...

I log in to hear that CCP decided to stage one of the little roleplay faggot things in Seyllin, once again bringing hundreds of RP fags and noobs flooding into our system. So I warp to Planet 1:

RP was gay as hell, but I managed to get into the mood and contribute:

Slave Heavenbound02 > Wallow in your hopelessness.
Wedgetail > hopeless? far from
MidasMulligan wallows.
Wedgetail > try stubborn >=)
Mort Eveson > Hannah
Usaretama > We just haven't found what works yet.
BlackBurnedNapalm > where are the dreads whant you want them?
Argat Bogotsch > luls you're the one in the mom running from a small fleet
Ace Echo > you DO realize that you're facing 20,000+ capsuleers, right?
LMShinigami > That's exxactly what I'm implying. This device, if they bring it on board, or in range of the explosion.. it could rip this entire planet apart. If not the system.
Grim Darkness wallows.
Burseg Sardaukar touches his wallows.

A glorious addition to the conversation, if I do say so myself. So the Supercarrier disappeared, and was replaced with a MASSIVE swarm of rats:
They proceeded to massacre our ships one by one, pretty much with one volley. Afterwards we went back and salvaged and looted a fuck ton, under my glorious guidance and FC'ing. This is what we had to deal with:
And this is, somehow, is a piece of the engagement. Very chaotic, and we still came out on top.

And broken shit: crashes on log-outs, the new keyboard shortcuts are buggy as fuck, when I die, my HUD moves to a random place on the screen, and shaders on some of the ORE ships are fucked up.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Pax Romana Faggots

For fuck's sake....

So, over the past week or so, these douches from the Pax Romana alliance keep filtering into Seyllin, sometimes bringing blobs or such. Yin has personally lost about 3billion to them in one go:

So that will be hard for me to bring my shit alliance's losses back from that. Also, their total kills page on us looks like:

But today, they were massacred with the aid of a Chimaera (Yin being the pilot):

They returned with a much larger fleet (about 3 domis, and one suspicious dude in a Domi, that was not part of their alliance. Also, in local was a member of Invicta (a long-known hot-drop corp). I took charge of the situation, getting everyone in Tristans/Vexors and such as always, trying to do my best to keep sanity while the idiot Jinkinns (the guy we podded a fuckload and for some reason is still in the corp kept feeding us useless, babbling intel.

I warp into the blob of ships, and sit there with Col Relentless. As I came out of warp, the Invicta Rapier bounced off the roids, and cloaked. This was proof positive that Invicta was on standby for Yin's carrier that they believed would be brought out once again. So, I, being the tactical genius that I am, ordered the fleet to not get in anything bigger than a cruiser and blob the targets in several waves. The result:

Rectanus, for whatever reason, thought it would be "okay" to bring a Harbinger... it more or less fucked our K/D Isk ratio, but we made up for it later. We consolidated our collective Killrights, and set off on our hunt for any targets we could grab. We snatched one up in Erme, on his way out of Seyllin.

Then we hunted one individual down to Stacmon, where I killed him in his Nemesis on a gate. I then camped his station with Lekgoa (who also had KR's on him) and he undocked a second time in another Nemesis and was promptly destroyed. Overall, the ISK value balanced out.