Friday, April 1, 2011

APRIL FOOLS! ... Seriously though, fuck you guys.

So about a month ago I decided it was time to form an industry corp (for a second time). This time I actually had the ambition to do some recruiting. Fortunately for me, Cortello, the first guy I managed to recruit was the former leader of a 500+ member alliance, and so he had way more ambition for recruiting and organizing things than I did. He had good standings with Gallente, so combined with my decent standing, we brought the corp's standing up to 5.0, high enough to anchor our highsec POS in Villore. Then he proceeded to recruit quite a few members, and he regularly organized group mining and plexing ops with them. Seriously, the corp never would have been successful without him.

A few weeks in the corp was doing really well. We got our POS, we got hundreds of millions worth of corp blueprints, we were nearing 20 members, the corp was making close to 5 mill a day from taxes (almost enough to cover POS fuel), and I was making anywhere from 30 - 75 mill per day for the corp by trading. The corp was much more successful than I had expected.

Then I got bored.

I decided a few days prior to this that I was done with the corp. Its original purpose was to help provide me with the resources I needed to make isk from invention and manufacturing without costing me too much out of my own pocket. I just wanted a corp so I had people pitching in for POS fuel and BPOs and stuff. It worked out well, but once I realized I could make more isk with much less effort just from station trading, that made my corp and everything/everyone in it unnecessary.

So I figured it was time to end the corp. We were at the point where just the corp's isk and assets alone were worth quite a bit more than what I had initially invested in the corp, due to isk I made for the corp from trading, taxes and some donations. Then I also had 300 - 400 mill worth of member-owned BPOs that I could steal whenever I wanted. And finally, there was Cortello's Kronos, which I estimated was worth somewhere between 1.2 and 1.5 bill, depending on whether or not he had fit his new T2 rig he was building (which he had not).

Right around the time I decided to target Cort's Kronos, he bought Dragon Age, and started playing that instead of Eve. I was looking for my chance to gank him for a couple days, but he wasn't running missions. Finally I decided to schedule a mission running op on Saturday, so I could guarantee a time where he would be there. It wasn't necessary though, because on Thursday night, March 31st, he asked me if I wanted to run some missions. My RR was ready to go, and so I figured it was the perfect time to go for it.

I caught him on on the gate before we warped into the first room. He wasn't really sure what was going on at first, but as soon as my RR landed on grid I spelled it out for him. I told him he was guaranteed to lose his Kronos, but if he ejected he and his fellow corpmates wouldn't lose their BPOs and other assets I had in my possession. He just said "You've got to be fucking kidding me.". I explained several times that he had less to lose by ejecting, but he still refused. In the end, Kronos assploded. It took forever due to my medium and small neuts, and like 150 DPS. If I didn't have RR, there is no fucking way I would have killed him in that shitty ship, with Dex's shitty skills. Props to Choobs, Burseg and Saggy for keeping me alive.

Cortello > dan leave the corp dex is a reader
Cortello > trader
Cortello > he's trying to kil me
Dextrust > *traitor
Danzrickar > well his main is a pvp type.
Cortello > no hes going to kill my ship
Cortello > come and see
Cortello > help me
Cortello > please
Cortello > im in Mirilene Solar System
Dextrust > Dan, if you come you will die too :P
Danzrickar > wait dex
Danzrickar > reall?
Danzrickar > why are you after him?
Dextrust > Yes
Cortello > bring some jamingf stuff
Cortello > u have to ecm him
Cortello > please hury
Cortello > fuck im going to loose my kronos
Cortello > fuck man im serious
Danzrickar > dude this tub is slow. takes time.
Cortello > please

A few of our members were absolutely convinced that it was an April Fools joke. I never planned for this to fall on April 1st, but it did, and it was fucking perfect. I couldn't have planned it any better.

Dextrust > o/ Dob
Dextrust > Happy April 1st
DobbianSaberion > good morning
DobbianSaberion > Thanks
Dextrust > The corp is closing.
DobbianSaberion > Well kick me then :)
Dextrust > No need. I'll kick everyone in time. Or they will leave.
DobbianSaberion > Since this is 1st of April
DobbianSaberion > I will stay all day
Dextrust > Yes, this is all one big april fools joke that Cort, Dan and I are playing on everyone.
DobbianSaberion > I would have fallen on it if you hadnt said happy 1st of april
DobbianSaberion > See you guys laterz
DobbianSaberion > Dex I am confused about the weekend op. Does it start 01:00 EVE time on saturday or sunday?
DobbianSaberion > or sunday
Dextrust > It doesn't. Weekend ops are canceled.
DobbianSaberion > You wrote a long mail and then cancelled it?
Dextrust > Yes
DobbianSaberion > Why?
DobbianSaberion > Can you stop the april fools joke already?
Dextrust > But april 1st just started
Dextrust > And nobody else has logged on yet.
DobbianSaberion > yes, but I want to know when the op is on saturday or sunday
DobbianSaberion > and since I've already seen through the joke, can you please tell me?
DobbianSaberion > I promise I wont tell
Dextrust > Op is cancelled.
DobbianSaberion > whatever
Cortello > my god, dobs is dense

And just to fuck with their heads a little more, I wrote a nice mail to the corp.

In the end I ran off with a fully researched Thorax and Vexor BPO, an unresearched Caracal BPO, an unresearched Vexor BPO, a Covert Cyno Field BPO, and a bunch of other BPOs. In total the BPOs added up to about 400 mill. The Kronos dropped about 200 - 250 mill worth of loot. I got an additional ~1.5 bill worth of isk and assets to sell, a lot of which was from isk that I had invested in the corp myself, and a lot of it was isk I had made for the corp from trading. In the end it was definitely a good investment.

Best April Fools joke ever.