Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Many landmark occasions.

For fuck's sake...

A most glorious milestone has finally come. (Hint: Dark Drifter will NEVER see this on his EvEMon.)

That's pretty sweet, right? Yea, I thought so, too.

Also, we took our Proteus fleet for a spin, with tremendous results. Basically the field looked like this:

Then looked like this:

Then our killboard looked like this.

On another note, which I would normally blow off as a minor inconvenience or otherwise blame Dark, but turns out to actually be massively beneficial. Some cock suckers decided to shoot at our POS in our W-space system of J133111 (A class 2 with no bonuses and static lowsec and C2 wormholes). That POS has been up since Apocrypha launched in March 2009. At face value, it sucks serious nutsuck, especially considering the list of shit destroyed looks something like this:
-Faction fit Kronos
-Shit load of random Caldari ships (Ravens, scorps, manticore, etc)
-Hulk (and a bunch of covetors and retrievers)
-FUCK TONS of fullerite gasses (mostly C72, C60, C50, C84, but small amounts of others were there)
-All polymer reactions
-All component bpo's for T3 production
-Who knows how many random mods in the corporate hangar that accumulated over the years.

Anyway, that all sucks serious balls. However, the tower (which was purchased by Syn wayyyy back in the day) is worth about 2.5 Billion, the mods all sold for another 1.2 Billion (all of which collected either over time or purchased by Syn), and my alt is finally free from the slavery of that wormhole. It was becoming tedious to log in each week on an alt I barely used to cycle planets and fuel a tower no one was using besides the occasionally Proteus/Tengu/Legion construction. Saggy recieved the last Proteus ever constructed from that tower at its amazingly discounted price of 50 melted nanoribbons. I'm not entirely sure if I can still build the shit in K-space construction lines in Seyllin, since I've only been using that wormhole for 2 years, but I'll figure it out.

On a side note, here is some screenies of the glorious exodus that led the liberation of Bashar Sardaukar from J133111. He will be a valuable logistics asset in empire, and I can sell the datacores from the hundreds of thousands of RP he's accumulated since leaving K-space 1/5 of a decade ago.

In other news: I'm still awesome and now will rape twice as much face with a dedicated logi alt.

Monday, May 23, 2011


Dark drifters Log:
21:20 - 33/05/2011...
A3323 - setllin general...


today is a good day, why? because i and my fellow SMERG officers
cordinated and assaulted a PETEL pos in ANE sloar system.

the fight was brutal! and the casualty count was in the thousends
but we emerged victorious and carrying ~200million intersteller credits.

allied forces : )

Abaddon class BBC-IXII
Raven class BBC-IXXI

Vexor class CC-IX

various support drone craft

AXIS forces:(

PETEL gallente controal tower (DEFENCES DOWN)
various deffence structures (offline)


on a side note the PROT-I-US-ION RAPES FACE!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Just when BC's dead POS is ceasing to be funny anymore, Burseg comes to the rescue!

"If I get one 'POS low on fuel' mail I am taking the POS down myself and selling the modules for the corp!" - Burseg to every SMERG member who ever had a personal POS.

The limit for the average alliance member is 1 low fuel message, but apparently for our great and noble leader Burseg the limit is somewhere upwards of 24. In fact even after the messages stopped coming, Burseg still refused to remove his POS. Eventually a concerned citizen was kind enough to pick up Burseg's (great and noble) slack and rescue some of the ships (including an Orca) and loot from the POS, and he even removed some of the POS modules for us.

I logged on while it was happening to find an unusually panicked Dark Drifter telling me to log on to Vent. He said it in all caps, so I knew it was urgent!

When I logged on he explained what was happening. My first reaction to this news was that of extreme apathy, which apparently upset Dark.

"NO, I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND! MY ALT IS CURRENTLY BEING PODDED AND THE WH POS IS UNDER ATTACK!" (This was spoken on vent so it lacks the usual spelling errors. Feel free to add them in your head as necessary as you read this.)
"No, I don't think you understand. I don't give a fuck. It's not my POS. And what the fuck do you expect me to do about it?"

Not even Dark knew what he thought I should do about it. And after my calming words of consolation, he seemed to find his head again. He then proceeded to valiantly defend the POS with an unfit Raven (linked above). When the WH was free of intruders, he fueled and onlined the POS (unfortunately) so it will be free to spam Burseg's inbox another day (at least we still have this).

I don't think we are going to let great and noble Burseg live this one down for a while. This is easily the most amusing thing to happen since BC's POS. Actually, this is better than BC's POS, because all that shit was lost due to his own incompetence. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

In other news...
(Stuff that isn't worth blog posts of their own, but are amusing and/or worth mentioning)


Yesterday the ZORZ guys managed to kill a DEP Harbinger (posted manually by yours truly because Burseg sucks at managing the killboard too). Normally killing a Harbinger is less than impressive, but pointing a DEP guy before they manage to dock or log is quite the feat. It's like a whole corp of Saggys.

Afterwards we tried to get them to come out to fight, but there are 4 of us and only like 8 of them, so they wouldn't come out. They even went through the trouble of scanning out our temporary safespot, only to leave us with blueballs (in and around our mouths).

Ninja Salvaging
(Because some people find this shit interesting or amusing)

I had a decent week of ninja salvaging. Here is a breakdown of my ninja salvaging kills from the last 7 days:

Dominix x2
Megathron x3

So lets see... The Brutix was a salvaging ship that the mission runner came back in after he shot me with his mission ship. The Guardian was keeping a Dominix alive in its mission. The Exequror showed up to try to save a PVP fit Mega who was trying to kill my Bhaal (lol). The Paladin joined in to save his Domi buddy who was under attack. The Ishtar was caught because he was trying to return his Ogre II's to his dronebay before warping off, and they were too slow. And the Proteus was originally running the mission in a Hype, but he came back with the Protus either to intimidate me, or to better kill my Imicus. That's pretty much everything interesting I remember off the top of my head about these kills.

In total that is just shy of 3 bill worth of damages, with about 450 mill worth of loot being dropped (according to Battleclinic).





personal log entry: dark drifter
location unknown
POS ID: j133111

today i lost a good friend to a new clone
elenor drifter RIP (old clone)

she died comunicating to me that out WH pos was offline and underattack
her last act befor she died was to get a BM to me in known space B4 trying to detur the agressor the evil maniacle elwan raithschild !!!

when i arived at the cordenates i was greated with the most distressing of vissions. a THORAX class cruiser was assaulting my love obcessions assets (not his nuts)
i was only in a pod but luckley there as a RAVEN class battleship as idle with no pilot. i jumped in to action boarding the mighty battleship only to find that is was in the middle of an extencive refit (it was being upgraded to a GOLEM class RBBXII morauder). all souls on board was lost with exception to myself GOD DAM IT THOSE WORK CREWS HAD FAMILYS !!!

i fled the sceen as there was no my my mighty pod would stand up to the mighty blaster fitted god. however i did make it out with a BADGER Mk II class hauler and a small selection of T1 BPC/Os and 1 0r 2 modules

i returned after a short while in a realy badly fitted RIFTER class frigit that i braught from a mindfold addicted pod pilot in High sec. (SYNS wife me thinx)
the battle was brutal and many mistakes was made BUT when the dust settled all that was left was a wreck and the bitches pod.

retrabution is swift

i set about searching the wrecks and found 120odd units of robotic components that i imedietly placed in the POSs fuel bays. and then the crew set about re-onlining it we also sent out search partys for the previous crew but as yet there are no confirmed suvivers say for my self that is . zenu only knows what the sleeper drones have in mind for those poos souls

in ending and TLDR because of the love and adoration i have for our most upstanding and noble leader among men i save what was left of the C2 WH pos.

end personal log Dark drifter
location unknown

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Mediocre Update

For fuck's sake...

Multiple useless things have happened.

1) We are working on a new banner, pooling a ton of ideas together to find something that ultimately will match our style. After much debate we've decided on some variation of the following to be our motto:

"If you can't out gun them, out blob them, or out smart them.... out stupid them."

When used in corrolation with an image similar to this:
Can definitely capture the vibe of my shit alliance. A never-ending uphill struggle of t1 frigs against insurmountable odds. We are going to need A LOT more frigs to really capture what we are about, but we are certainly heading in the right direction.

2) For example:
With overview garbage:

3) Got myself a new KR to collect. Had to lose my Tristan in the process, though :(

4) A new guy Mary is raping all holy face suicide smartbombing haulers in Dodixie. He's made a killing, and reinvests it all into more smartbomb ships. He's crushed a couple pods worth some billions as well, turns out. Very awesome. I see great things coming from this asshole.

5) We have readers! Very good news. They seem to not be very pleased with what I have to say, or are perhaps upset with what I did, and seem to have a grudge against Tristans, the greatest PVP ships in EvE.

They also seem to be convinced that we cared about BC's stupid ass POS... not sure where that assumption came from. I did wholly enjoy seeing that thing finally dead, since now BC has no reason NOT to merge with SMERG as it is inevitable. Every shit member of this shit alliance eventually funnels to the shit center, SMERG. If a member of SMERG has (POACHED) in their title, it means they came from another member corp of General Tso's at one point. There are now way more poached members than originals.
Another piece that is confusing is where he says I should come to null-sec to collect my KRs. This is stupid for several reasons.
A) Why would I go all that way in the first place? I haven't left Seyllin for years, and am wayyyy too lazy to go anywhere.
B) Why would someone go to a place where it is open PVP to collect KR's? The benefit to the KR system is that it allows for surprising an opponent when they least expect it in an area they least expect it, high sec. So that makes little sense.
C) The thing I like A LOT about KR's is its prob the only place where a 1v1 is possible, assuming you catch a target completely unawares. Sure my corp likes to tag along to watch or to harass, and possibly try to pull aggro (hasn't worked yet), but a lot of the time I like to try and see what I'm capable on my own. Going to null-sec destroys that potential challenge. There isn't a single person in null-sec that is looking for a challenge, its why they go there. They get their 10 pilot (minimum) with at least 1 falcon and 2 logistics to combat any single pilot, and as the threat increases, their fleet must grow exponentially. Call it an exaggeration, but I can't remember a "Fun Run" we did where someone met our fleet with an equally sized fleet... or, for that matter, a fleet that was only 1.5X our size. Its usually AT LEAST double our crappy t1 fit t1 cruiser numbers. Its fun to help train the new guys that losses happen and raging over dying is for 12 year olds. We occasionally come out on top of an engagement anyway, provided we kill at least 1 nanofag ship.

Anyway, RL shit calls, so it may be a bit before another glorious update.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

First, in What Will be MANY KR Collections.

For fuck's sake...

Remember how I valiantly got my ass exploded several times a few days ago? Well, there's a nice thing that goes hand-in-hand with someone killing you in lowsec when you don't shoot them back. KILL RIGHTS.

I'm a very big proponent of this feature, but my Alliance has devised a great addition that would augment the current shit bounty system. It's just an idea and is unlikely to ever be implemented, but would be badass.

Anyway, I started the collection of my Kill Rights, with a great nab right out of the gate:

And, here's hoping the rest of these leave ORE space in the next month.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

My Epix Ballz Killed DEP

For fuck's sake...

After hearing unconfirmed (and thus utterly useless) intel from 1/2 my garbage Alliance about DEP possibly returning to Ane, I had to confirm for myself. I first jumped through into Ane, to see a sizable gate camp consisting of a Devoter, Drake, and Sacrilege, all from the various Pain Vault corps. I tried to get a fleet together, but the targets abandoned the gate within seconds of me spotting them.

I got on my alt, and traveled back and forth between Sey and Ane in a hauler, to be perfectly a legit, not possibly a trap, undefended noob target. He drew the attention of at least the Devoter pilot, who returned to the gate and snagged him. I came through in my neut-fit Dominix. I killed the target with ease, but was promptly re-scrammed by a Drake. Escape with my ship intact was definitely no longer an option, as if it ever was. The blob grew, including everything in this mail, and then some (since some of them were vaginas and contributed by rubbing their Drake against my hull [bumping?] instead).

So, I then called to my Alliance, but it was absolutely too late, well, except that BC was sitting in Creo in Sey, staged to break up the early gate camp, but was conveniently (Saggy Ballz-style) AFK during a moment of glorious PVP. I do not know if two neut Dominixes could have taken the entire fleet, especially since I was not capable of taking the fleet on my own, and BC's idea of a neut Dominix included a 100mm plate and Nosferatu's.

Time passed, and I commanded Salid to contact the Invicta alt that even DEP spotted in Ane local, with one of their noobs broke the surprise by relaying intel in local chat. But, as the above engagement shows, they didn't heed the warning and lost a Megathron anyway. But we made the deal with the devil, and arranged for my sacrificial Vexor to be the cyno for Invicta. Thankfully, I didn't use a more expensive ship.

So, we regrouped, and did it correctly the next time.

Ultimately the POS still died, but none of us give a shit. We told BC to unanchor the mods as well, but he apparently doesn't listen, which is NEWS to me!

The campaign for dominance has started however, and, by my glorious leadership, we will repel the enemy, in the same way as whoever kicked them from whatever nullsec they crawled back from.

And, JUST NOW, I was given this piece of LOL.

MY EPIC DIPLO SKILLS KILLED DEP! Invicta might have helped.

That's right. Fuck you guys, I am the man.

So earlier today DEP took a little field trip to Ane and sieged a few POSes there. The POSes included one owned by BC, the wisest and most skilled PVPer in our alliance. The other two belonged to our lone "renter" corp, one of which was at an apparently worthless moon. We assumed they were sieging them for the moons at first, but looking at it now it seems pretty suspicious that they would siege a worthless moon, so it must have been because they were blue to us. The only way they could know about our renter corp is if they have a spai in the alliance. It's most likely Euri again.

Thanks to BC's amazing intel we knew exactly where his POS was, who sieged it, how strong their numbers were, and exactly when it was coming out of RF, without any of us having to get off our lazy asses to find all that information ourselves. He was very quick to bring this information to our attention as well.

Now, our epic Tristan blob could easily wipe out DEP's puny cap fleet. But being the nice guys we are, we thought to ourselves "Hey, Invicta likes killing caps, don't they? Lets see if any of them want in on the fun!". When I had this brilliant idea our usual contact inside Invicta wasn't logged on, so instead I spent most of the day furiously masturbating to images of Yin's hot mom. After I had finished masturbating several hours later, our great and noble leader Burseg had the great idea of breaking up a DEP gatecamp with our Dominixes. I wiped off my keyboard, monitor and ceiling, and started heading to Seyllin to grab my Domi.

By the time I had arrived in Seyllin the Dep gatecamp had left. I was just about to go back to masturbating when Mr [Invicta Cyno Alt] appeared in local! He was just the guy I was looking for so I immediately started a convo and explained the situation.

I told [Invicta Cyno Alt] about the small cap fleet that was in Ane earlier, and how it was likely to be back there in less than an hour when BC's POS came out of RF. He seemed interested. BC's intel was 100% complete and accurate, but I hopped in my Buzzard to scout the moons just for the hell of it.

As usual I was too busy being awesome to get you guys any screencaps, so I will try to be as descriptive as possible so you can visualize it.

Shortly after [Invicta Cyno Alt] entered local, our cunning foes used their epic Battleclinic-checking skills to expose him.
Ztnef > [Invicta Cyno Alt] invicta cyno alt noice!
Burseg Sardaukar > what?
Ztnef > [Link Censored]
Ztnef > he hotdropps for inv
Killer Predator > tos called em in
Burseg Sardaukar > AHHHHH
Acacia Vasser > /emote points towards pilgrim w/giant "Hot Dropper" sign hanging around his his/her neck.......
Being an hono(u)rable warrior, [Invicta Cyno Alt] gave DEP a fair warning in the Ane local public communications channel.
[Invicta Cyno Alt] > HOTDROP TIME
Ztnef > I knew it
[Invicta Cyno Alt] > well if I had a fleet
[Invicta Cyno Alt] > id totally do it
While I was scouting, Burseg successfully showed DEP who owns Ane.

Despite [Invicta Cyno Alt]'s warning, after the fight a few DEP pilots bravely lagged behind at the gate in tasty BSs. And to DEP's surprise, he did exactly what he promised them he'd do.
Ztnef > see
Ztnef > you
Ztnef > hotdrop us
Lord Mummbi > I said so
Lord Mummbi > cant blame anyone but yourself
Their Black Ops fleet killed a Mega, and his lucky friend in a Domi managed to escape with structure damage and a load in his pants.

At this point we knew DEP would no longer have the testicular fortitude to bring their cap fleet to siege the POS. They tested the waters by shooting at the POS with a pair of Drakes, and when they were satisfied that there were no longer any potential Invicta hotdrop alts in the system, they brought their BS fleet to finish off the POS.
Brusanan > Oh, BS fleet might be assembling
Brusanan > Doubt they will bring caps now
[Invicta Cyno Alt] > well if they bring a nice number of bs
[Invicta Cyno Alt] > you can prolly light us a cyno
[Invicta Cyno Alt] > well pretty please ^^
Brusanan > Mael, Mael, Drake, Drake, Mega, Domi, Abaddon
Brusanan > The entire fleet is at the POS now
Brusanan > If that is enough for you, Burseg will get a Cyno ship now
[Invicta Cyno Alt] > sure why not lol
So Burseg scrambled to get a Cyno ship ready while I got him an amazing warpin because I'm awesome. After only way too long we finally got the cyno ship ready, and Burseg warped in. He landed on grid, scrammed one of the targets, and lit the cyno. There was just enough time for one lone ship to jump through before Burseg's pathetic cyno ship exploded.

Sitting on grid, in the middle of DEP's BS fleet, was a lone Erebus. The TOTALLY SOBER Titan pilot had missed the "Bridge" option, and accidentally jumped his giant throbbing phallic-shaped ship right to Burseg's Cyno.

Ze Killer > fail jump ?
Pestillence > ffs
Pestillence > being drunk 4tw lol
DarkLord420 > 05:15:35 Combat Ion Siege Blaster Cannon I belonging to Pestillence hits you, doing 18030.1 damage.
Ztnef > fail?
Pestillence > should have tackled me and killed me
DarkLord420 > Shit thats one hell of a way to fail tho
Fleet chat:
Brusanan > Shit
Brusanan > Fail (Here I was saying fail at Burseg's pathetic cyno ship popping in about 5 seconds. Yeah, the Titan pilot failed hardcore, but it was so fail that it overflowed right back around to win.)
Burseg Sardaukar > omg
Lux0r > wrong button
Brusanan > lol
Burseg Sardaukar > hahaha holy shit
Brusanan > lol
Brusanan > They all warped
Sure enough, at the sight of the giant penis-ship the DEP fleet turned and fled with their tails between their legs. We thought this might have been our last chance to hotdrop them, but apparently DEP was feeling particularly ballsy tonight. They warped back to the POS, and started shooting at it again. This time they all stayed aligned to one of their moons.

Lord Mummbi > cripes
Lord Mummbi > burseg
Lord Mummbi > can you get another cyno plz ^^
Burseg Sardaukar > lol really?
Burseg Sardaukar > for reallzzz this time?
Lord Mummbi > yes
Burseg Sardaukar > lol k
Lord Mummbi > ill learn where the fucking bridge menu is this time
alexreborn > get us a nice cyno spot, nice and close to them :DD
Brusanan > Oh, was that you? lol
Brusanan > Might need to bring soemthing with a bigger buffer this time. That Thorax (Note to self: Thorax != Vexor) died in seconds.
alexreborn > ya good idea!
Brusanan > They are all staying aigned this time
Burseg Sardaukar > :( i'll take one for the team....
Lord Mummbi > what do you got for a cyno ship ?
Burseg Sardaukar > i'll do a dominix
So round #2 (Or 3 if you count the Blops fleet, I guess). I got yet another perfect warpin for Burseg, he had a nice plated Domi to Cyno with now, and the Titan pilot made sure he didn't have the cap to jump accidentally this time. On top of this, Burseg fit multiple points to his Domi, and so did Col with his Lachesis. They warped in, pointed a few of the BS, and carnage ensued.

After, one of BC's pro noobs decided it would be a great idea to start shooting the guys who basically just "saved" (READ: delayed it's inevitable destruction) his POS. In his defense, he's a noob, and I guess it is hard to tell the difference between the reds he should shoot and the ones he most likely shouldn't be shooting. In short, it's all BC's fault. Just another one of those things that make him so pro. Anyway, so we told Invicta to feel free to kill the noob to teach him a lesson. They toyed with him while BC tried to give the him instructions in local, because local is the best place to relay both intel and instructions.

So yeah, I guess that's it. If it wasn't for my awesome diplo skills and my amazing warpin, none of this would be possible. And much love to the Invicta guys for doing this. No homo. Actually, there might be some lots of homo love mixed in there as well.