Sunday, May 1, 2011

MY EPIC DIPLO SKILLS KILLED DEP! Invicta might have helped.

That's right. Fuck you guys, I am the man.

So earlier today DEP took a little field trip to Ane and sieged a few POSes there. The POSes included one owned by BC, the wisest and most skilled PVPer in our alliance. The other two belonged to our lone "renter" corp, one of which was at an apparently worthless moon. We assumed they were sieging them for the moons at first, but looking at it now it seems pretty suspicious that they would siege a worthless moon, so it must have been because they were blue to us. The only way they could know about our renter corp is if they have a spai in the alliance. It's most likely Euri again.

Thanks to BC's amazing intel we knew exactly where his POS was, who sieged it, how strong their numbers were, and exactly when it was coming out of RF, without any of us having to get off our lazy asses to find all that information ourselves. He was very quick to bring this information to our attention as well.

Now, our epic Tristan blob could easily wipe out DEP's puny cap fleet. But being the nice guys we are, we thought to ourselves "Hey, Invicta likes killing caps, don't they? Lets see if any of them want in on the fun!". When I had this brilliant idea our usual contact inside Invicta wasn't logged on, so instead I spent most of the day furiously masturbating to images of Yin's hot mom. After I had finished masturbating several hours later, our great and noble leader Burseg had the great idea of breaking up a DEP gatecamp with our Dominixes. I wiped off my keyboard, monitor and ceiling, and started heading to Seyllin to grab my Domi.

By the time I had arrived in Seyllin the Dep gatecamp had left. I was just about to go back to masturbating when Mr [Invicta Cyno Alt] appeared in local! He was just the guy I was looking for so I immediately started a convo and explained the situation.

I told [Invicta Cyno Alt] about the small cap fleet that was in Ane earlier, and how it was likely to be back there in less than an hour when BC's POS came out of RF. He seemed interested. BC's intel was 100% complete and accurate, but I hopped in my Buzzard to scout the moons just for the hell of it.

As usual I was too busy being awesome to get you guys any screencaps, so I will try to be as descriptive as possible so you can visualize it.

Shortly after [Invicta Cyno Alt] entered local, our cunning foes used their epic Battleclinic-checking skills to expose him.
Ztnef > [Invicta Cyno Alt] invicta cyno alt noice!
Burseg Sardaukar > what?
Ztnef > [Link Censored]
Ztnef > he hotdropps for inv
Killer Predator > tos called em in
Burseg Sardaukar > AHHHHH
Acacia Vasser > /emote points towards pilgrim w/giant "Hot Dropper" sign hanging around his his/her neck.......
Being an hono(u)rable warrior, [Invicta Cyno Alt] gave DEP a fair warning in the Ane local public communications channel.
[Invicta Cyno Alt] > HOTDROP TIME
Ztnef > I knew it
[Invicta Cyno Alt] > well if I had a fleet
[Invicta Cyno Alt] > id totally do it
While I was scouting, Burseg successfully showed DEP who owns Ane.

Despite [Invicta Cyno Alt]'s warning, after the fight a few DEP pilots bravely lagged behind at the gate in tasty BSs. And to DEP's surprise, he did exactly what he promised them he'd do.
Ztnef > see
Ztnef > you
Ztnef > hotdrop us
Lord Mummbi > I said so
Lord Mummbi > cant blame anyone but yourself
Their Black Ops fleet killed a Mega, and his lucky friend in a Domi managed to escape with structure damage and a load in his pants.

At this point we knew DEP would no longer have the testicular fortitude to bring their cap fleet to siege the POS. They tested the waters by shooting at the POS with a pair of Drakes, and when they were satisfied that there were no longer any potential Invicta hotdrop alts in the system, they brought their BS fleet to finish off the POS.
Brusanan > Oh, BS fleet might be assembling
Brusanan > Doubt they will bring caps now
[Invicta Cyno Alt] > well if they bring a nice number of bs
[Invicta Cyno Alt] > you can prolly light us a cyno
[Invicta Cyno Alt] > well pretty please ^^
Brusanan > Mael, Mael, Drake, Drake, Mega, Domi, Abaddon
Brusanan > The entire fleet is at the POS now
Brusanan > If that is enough for you, Burseg will get a Cyno ship now
[Invicta Cyno Alt] > sure why not lol
So Burseg scrambled to get a Cyno ship ready while I got him an amazing warpin because I'm awesome. After only way too long we finally got the cyno ship ready, and Burseg warped in. He landed on grid, scrammed one of the targets, and lit the cyno. There was just enough time for one lone ship to jump through before Burseg's pathetic cyno ship exploded.

Sitting on grid, in the middle of DEP's BS fleet, was a lone Erebus. The TOTALLY SOBER Titan pilot had missed the "Bridge" option, and accidentally jumped his giant throbbing phallic-shaped ship right to Burseg's Cyno.

Local:
Ze Killer > fail jump ?
Pestillence > ffs
Pestillence > being drunk 4tw lol
DarkLord420 > 05:15:35 Combat Ion Siege Blaster Cannon I belonging to Pestillence hits you, doing 18030.1 damage.
Ztnef > fail?
Pestillence > should have tackled me and killed me
DarkLord420 > Shit thats one hell of a way to fail tho
Fleet chat:
Brusanan > Shit
Brusanan > Fail (Here I was saying fail at Burseg's pathetic cyno ship popping in about 5 seconds. Yeah, the Titan pilot failed hardcore, but it was so fail that it overflowed right back around to win.)
Burseg Sardaukar > omg
Lux0r > wrong button
Brusanan > lol
Burseg Sardaukar > hahaha holy shit
Brusanan > lol
Brusanan > They all warped
Sure enough, at the sight of the giant penis-ship the DEP fleet turned and fled with their tails between their legs. We thought this might have been our last chance to hotdrop them, but apparently DEP was feeling particularly ballsy tonight. They warped back to the POS, and started shooting at it again. This time they all stayed aligned to one of their moons.

Lord Mummbi > cripes
Lord Mummbi > burseg
Lord Mummbi > can you get another cyno plz ^^
Burseg Sardaukar > lol really?
Burseg Sardaukar > for reallzzz this time?
Lord Mummbi > yes
Burseg Sardaukar > lol k
Lord Mummbi > ill learn where the fucking bridge menu is this time
alexreborn > get us a nice cyno spot, nice and close to them :DD
Brusanan > Oh, was that you? lol
Brusanan > Might need to bring soemthing with a bigger buffer this time. That Thorax (Note to self: Thorax != Vexor) died in seconds.
alexreborn > ya good idea!
Brusanan > They are all staying aigned this time
Burseg Sardaukar > :( i'll take one for the team....
Lord Mummbi > what do you got for a cyno ship ?
Burseg Sardaukar > i'll do a dominix
So round #2 (Or 3 if you count the Blops fleet, I guess). I got yet another perfect warpin for Burseg, he had a nice plated Domi to Cyno with now, and the Titan pilot made sure he didn't have the cap to jump accidentally this time. On top of this, Burseg fit multiple points to his Domi, and so did Col with his Lachesis. They warped in, pointed a few of the BS, and carnage ensued.

After, one of BC's pro noobs decided it would be a great idea to start shooting the guys who basically just "saved" (READ: delayed it's inevitable destruction) his POS. In his defense, he's a noob, and I guess it is hard to tell the difference between the reds he should shoot and the ones he most likely shouldn't be shooting. In short, it's all BC's fault. Just another one of those things that make him so pro. Anyway, so we told Invicta to feel free to kill the noob to teach him a lesson. They toyed with him while BC tried to give the him instructions in local, because local is the best place to relay both intel and instructions.

So yeah, I guess that's it. If it wasn't for my awesome diplo skills and my amazing warpin, none of this would be possible. And much love to the Invicta guys for doing this. No homo. Actually, there might be some lots of homo love mixed in there as well.

2 comments:

  1. As usual you noobs are in such awe of my abilities and skills that you must, in a jealous fit once again, attribute my recon of the fleet and its members as a feat accomplished by BC, a far inferior member.

    Jealousy is a terrible thing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. sar·casm
       [sahr-kaz-uhm]
    –noun
    1.
    harsh or bitter derision or irony.
    2.
    a sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark.

    ReplyDelete