Thursday, June 30, 2011

General Tso's A Team

Today.... General Tso's A Team did what no other previous Tso's Fleet could do.... execute a plan and lose no man.

It might come to a surprise that not all of Tso's members are useless. But there are a few good pilots which help keep this shitty Alliance on its feet.

After a long day of trying to keep our home system safe from being invaded by Ikarus, Spatus, Boron and the evil Sparticus Comrade; I noticed a large radiant ora of faggot-ness across our system. I scan around and notice we have a tyrant lurking around our asteroid belts.

This tyrant I speak of goes by the name of Aesari, one of the many faggots in our sister corp Zorz, who was discovered to not be a true faggot and therefor banished from Tso's.

As I was finishing my shift of patrolling the system, a ship appeared on my scanner. It was not just any was the indestructable, unbeatable, immortal....Drake.

As I scrambled to try and warp out I found myself having an anxiety attack and couldnt control myself and blacked out.

A few minutes after I regained consiousness, I noticed Aesari was
speaking an old language, thought to be extinct, known as the
'SmackTalkingNoob'. In fear of what I was hearing I managed to get back
to station and hide behind my couch.

As frightened as I was or anyone should be, I then decided to grow some ballz. By 'grow some ballz' I meant call upon my best students Bastilla and ColRelentless. Although not as experienced and having a much smaller dick than me, I decided it was time for them to prove themselves to me. I sent my n00b students into battle not knowing what they would face.

...after a few minutes of hearing my students cry for my help, I decided to teach them how to be useful and not become startled. I warp in screaming 'VIVA MEXICO' and within 2 seconds, maybe 3 at the most, I eliminate this faggot Aesari from existance.

Yes, Im sure by now you are aware that I am the single most useful person in this shitty Alliance. As for today, I once again proved that there is no I in team, except for my team. The A Team.

This is Saggy Ballz signing off saying fly safe and .l. for all.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Suddenly, faggots! Hundreds of them!

I'm far too paranoid to introduce myself properly but you'll probably notice I'm new here. Grats.


It seems our Alliance has had War declared upon it! It really couldn't have come at a better time as I had been grinding security 'like a boss' for the previous 2 weeks from minus nine-point-something so I could hard-core bear it up. Upon reaching a security level which means I can loiter in 1.0 systems again, right on a cue, mail icon flashes and ..."THE GOD SQUAD Declares War Against General Tso's Alliance"

At first, I was mildly miffed at the lost ISK making opportunities but as it turns out, somehow the guys we are at war with are even worse at Eve than General Tso's. How precisely this is possible boggles the mind! Not that you'll find me complaining, something to shoot at that's not going to kill my sec for once.

Still to their credit, these bastards after having paid 100m or whatever to Concord to declare war upon Tso's, have forced us to utilise locator agents and whatnot to go and find them. I can tell these guys have done this kind of thing before and are obviously pr0's.

If someone has hired these guys, It has to be said, that this is ISK well spent, oh yes! especially as I am starting to think it was Burseg that hired them. Wouldn't really surprise me at all at this point.

Note to self: Have to ask them if Killboard padding services like these are a lucrative Eve career choice.

So after using the aforementioned locator agents to find someone, we discover one of these guys tooling about in Navy mega and proceed to deploy our ships in Uemon to intercept in our indomitably haphazard manner. The gang, Bursegs Mighty Meta-Zero Vexorspam Fleet of Doom, actually manages to get into position in time and with a minimum of rage and recrimination along the way.

This is unprecedented.

And almost without a single hitch, Navy Mega jumps in, we tackle and unleash the T1 drone-swarm. Navy mega guy has obviously lolled at this point and opens up on one of our guys while burning back for the gate. Somehow reps are immediately and effectively used and our guy actually manages to survive the attention from our new War Target friend.

Again, utterly unprecedented, we should all be arriving one at a time and dying 'en masse' at this point.

Predictably enough we fail to kill it, partially due to a neutral Guardian turning up. Although at this point Navy Mega has de-aggressed and is zero on the gate, even though he's very low on armour he could have left. Surprisingly with the guardian now on grid , the Navy Mega's confidence is high and re-aggresses.

People start shouting conflicting orders some people burn for the Guardian others send drones and someone else has turned up in a blackbird un-announced and jammed the mega... like a boss! Vent is alive with the sound of raging! Mega leaves and the Guardian escapes.

Yep, we still fail hard but on the upside, we are still managing to curb-stomp these guys despite it.


Saturday, June 18, 2011

To Reiterate: BCSUPREME Is Terrible at EvE.

For Fuck's Sake...

All in one day, he lost:
Comet (cap recharger???)
Ishkur (semiconductor rig?)
Navy Vexor (400mm plates??)
Enyo (meh... why not an ishkur? Is it because he died in it earlier so the Enyo it MUST be better, right?)

But he insists he's good at this game. He needs to unlearn a lot of things and just join SMERG already, so at least he can look at our shitty corp fits AT LEAST.
Just saying...

He did kill Saggy in the past, though, which is baffling. Not sure what that says... about either of them.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

The Messican Spy

So today after months and months of planning. I decided it was time to unleash my top secret plan on my fellow corp mate, Col Relentless. I gathered up my fellow inferior white friends from the Deathspank Corporation and headed towards Seyllin. I went into the system and was making small talk with Col.... I docked, called up some fellow prostitutes to come entertain me and acted to be busy making it rain on them hoes inside my captain quarters. Col then came knocking at my door pleading and yelling at the top of his lungs asking for my help. He told he spotted a Proteus-ion outside his window and wanted my help to kill it.....little did he know he was falling right into my tarp. I undocked in my most expensive ship, my Keres, and warped to an empty asteroid belt where no filthy serpentis trooper rat would mess up my plans. I orbited the Deathspank Proteus-ion and called out to this white trash faggot Col to come and help me kill him. Col landed on friend in the Proteus-ion scrammed him and my other white inferior friends jumped into Seyllin and warped to the action. I heard Col yelling across space for my help.....but I cloaked my ship and pretended to not hear his pathetic pleads for help. Once Col was crying tears of blood, begging for The Deathspank Corporation to not blow up his ship, I decided to uncloak and act as if I passed out due to having another anxiety attack. Col ejected from his ship and coward'd back to the station to hide under his bunk. I congratulated my fellow Deathspank Corpmates and left system with them...

...little by little, I am crippling Smerg from the inside.

This is Saggy Ballz 'The Messican that Can' signing off.


Fuck My Corp Sucks

So today being the man i am and pro at this game. i decided to kill a proteus im my epiux fir proteus, duel boxing like always i knew it would be no prob. My fellow capeslure tacked the proteus so i wared in the like man and engaged. Knowing it was a blob I said fuck it No Balls. then the Rook flew in oh man, no a bid deal right, right. Well guess what is was a big deal cause all my back up was fucking retared and coulndn't keep it off my alt, so my narly reps wernt getting through. so any way this happened . Anywho thats fuck all

So back to good pvp right, later that day. Our spickacanta portion of or corp had some hurricane pointed and shit, called for black up. The man i an i decided to help, my shity ass fucking corp mates thought they could help well ya. I warped in to find that their was 3 hurricans and some ass hat said hurrican primary hurrican primay. Huh i thought (WHAT FUCKING HARRYCAIN DOES TAHT MEAN) so i picked my the hurrican and started dishing out face melting DPS. I tanked their whole fleet for about 69 second Beause i can Dule Box like a god damn champ Giving massive remote Reps from my alt i coulnd belive i died. so i warped him out even after being targeted buy their whole fleet QESTION MNARK. wEll the piont of this story is that im the fucking man and my corp cant do shit. So whenever u hear this Burseg guy talk about how he is so good, DONT BELEIVE THE BULL SHIT.

Smerg Master^


Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Dust514 PS3 Exclusive

For fuck's sake...

Looks like I'm going to have to buy a PS. Thankfully I haven't purchased either console, and this will make my decision much easier.

There have been a lot of confirmations (from CCP Shadow @ least) about various things to look forward to:

-Real Time interaction between EvE and Dust. (Assuming the orbital bombardment and counter-bombardment are aspects of this).

-Dust will have many EvE-like aspects: the Aurum store, fitting/customization of character and vehicles, Markets to trade stuff on (that will both be micro-transaction AND player driven), skill training will exist in some form, and there were hints to "training while offline" (just like EvE's skills. This means early adopters will have an added advantage).

-Dust players can join existing EvE corps and vice versa. (SMERG all the way!)

-Free expansions, as always.

-And, something EvE doesn't have: NO SUBSCRIPTION FEE!

I have a ton of questions that I posted in the dev blog comments page. But I think some can't be asked, since it's so early. They claim a lot of questions will be answered on the Dust Dev blog page, so I guess I'll have to be patient. All I know is, I'm getting this game.