Monday, September 26, 2011

Introducing Caid Sardaukar

For fuck's sake...

What a sexy slut. She's smirking at my small penis, of course, thinking "That's it?"

Meet my new, dedicated suicide gank alt. She's going to sprint-train into suicide ganking Thoraxes and Brutixes and perhaps smartbombing Typhoons. Since I have zero faith that the rest of my shit ass corp can possibly scratch the surface of my suicide ganking prowess, I created her. I did not feel like having Burseg going -10 again, as well, so this is a much better alternative. There also comes a time when you realize that you are just training skills to 5 because you don't want to be NOT training, and I think I've hit that wall with Burseg. So I'll be taking a break from training random ass Caldari ship skills I'll never use, and max out a suicide ganker.

The main driving force behind the creation of Caid was our venturing into ransoming miners in surrounding 0.5 systems. We will start in Balle, spreading into Villore, Clort, and perhaps down the Deltole pipe. I opened a corp office in Aufay for staging of ganking ships, and will be purchasing an Orca for corp use on Bashar for rapid deployment inside of Balle. I set up several safe spots above every belt, where our fleets will literally descend onto Hulks. It will at least look cool, even though it won't make our penises any bigger.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Small Engagements break up Monotony

For fuck's sake...

We've been field testing our POS-clearing system, in the hopes to eventually move towards a position where renting in Ane will one day be possible for us.

We still suck ass at it, however, so that goal is potentially years away. I'll be commanding a far more competent Dust division of SMERG, claiming the surfaces of all the planets, LOOOOONG before the asshats we have in space pull their shit together.

For example, the ONE night we had slated this week to kill the CJ tower was tonight, with roll-over to potentially Saturday on reinforced.

Above: How NOT to fit a POS.
As predicted, tonight had the least people involved of the three nights of sieging. We did take town two of the active towers, however, and an offline one. This is where shit got interesting. Several pilots from Sleeper Social Club entered Seyllin, and b-lined into Ane.

While myself, Choobs, Col and Dark exited our siege cycles, noob-ass Brukemia remained in his because, well, he's a noob and sucks at this game. The decent dread pilots warped to station to ship down to more capable PvP ships, effectively leaving Huntin4Penis69 to die. This was a monumental occasion, as that asshole usually only engages catalysts on gate in his Tengu. I tried to save his ass with my alt in logistics, but the enemy fleet was swarming with tackle frigs and I had to bail when an Ares came burning up his ass.

We re-consolidated, reshipped into our shiny fleet, which has an excellent track record, and warped to Aporulie gate. I excellently cycled through primaries. It went something along the lines of:

Burseg: Armageddon is primary, jumped; Hurricane is primary, jumped; WEAPONS FREE! Shoot everything!

At this time, the targets all jumped through in panic, leaving their command ship behind, at a range of 20km+ from the gate. He attempted to burn inward, but my excellent point and web range fucked his day up. He was scrammed and webbed at 15km, and I MWD'd right into him, crushing his hopes of a safe escape. While this was happening, I might add, Mary was FLIPPING OUT on vent that he was under attack, because he thought that, while we were fighting a glorious battle, that his time would be best served looting the field in Ane. He SCREAMED for help, not clarifying where he was, what was happening, who was killing him, or what he was in.... as usual. He died, of course.

We returned to the tower, killed it, and jumped the ships out to die another day.

In the mean time, Mary was shipping some shit for us into Sey, stopping paying attention because he fucking SUCKS AT THIS GAME, and lost his Iteron V, while once again losing his mind on vent and NOT relaying a god damn piece of useful information. We will not be paying him for shit that was not delivered.

It was at this time that Huntin4Penis informed us that the Sleeper fleet had returned, in bigger ships, with logisitics. It was nothing we couldn't handle with our shiny fleet, not by a long shot, but Choobs and Salid bitched out and logged. We then decided to fly some Tristans against their fleet and get some Kill rights for later collecting. They definitely caught on, as they didn't proceed to kill RectAnus when he tried the same.

We chased them from system, not managing to catch any (mostly because Dark Drifter is absolutely horrible at EvE). And will wait a couple weeks to let them forget about it.

The Gospel of Eve, Pt. II: Praedam Noster Non Capi, Fratre!

Whenever you are lost in space, tired, damaged, alone, you can always take comfort to know that someone is watching you. It may not be a physical entity, or a friendly pilot but His eyes are watching you. But when you are down, broken, and all hope is lost, you can always count on one word of truth for guidance, salvation, hope: the Gospel of Eve.

Part II: Praedam Noster Non Capi, Fratre! (Don't take our loot, bro!)

This is the Gospel according to Man0f0neWay...

1st letter to the members of Sleeper Social Club:

Brothers! why hast thou come to this hallowed ground to take plunder from the wrecks of fallen capsuleers? Have you no respect for the dead?! Both sides have suffered losses upon this holy battle ground, and still the battle rages on! I stand before you, fellow pilots, to warn you that we have laid claim to these broken bodies; these lost souls! Their loot be ours and the claiming thereof be my highest priority. My companions may be in the neighboring system still shedding blood for our cause and to avenge our fallen brethren, but I stand here, where I belong, between fags like you and our epics loots. My brothers do not know how to set their priorities, despite all my past, invaluable advice. Still they believe it is better to inflate their egos and killboards. Their pride will be their undoing. Nevertheless, I still know what in this world should be held dearly and I will hold it at all cost. I will hold firmly to the sack from which the seed of life is sprung. Without that seed, life in Eve cannot move forward. In this loot I see hope and I shall not let you take that hope from me. Even if my fellow pilots call my name and beseech me to deliver them from eternal damnation, I will stand by this loot to prevent you and your kind from taking it because I know what is important in this world. Loot over glory. Loot over life. Loot over loyalty! You, my fellow capsuleers, will now take leave of this ground and never return for I, the courageous, heavenly goat of General Tso's Alliance will be here to fight tooth and nail to keep this loot. I say to you, "Praedam noster non capi, Fratre!" What say you? ...

Your immortal foe,

Transcribed by Lord SphinctAnus Rectanus


My Awesomeness!!!!! It was LEGEND...wait for it...DARY

No shit there I was

just minding my own business killing a POS with my fagass alliance mates, when some fleet gets ballsy and warps in on us. they fuck around a bit then they engage our gay(i can't leave lowsec) resident i kill haulers guy. in the process we take down one of theres a split second before we lose him

so we screw around a few moments and decide to go get our Pirate BS fleet and try to push them out of our homeland. we land on gate and starting locking and shooting everything to get them to leave. in the process of this we catch a nice little claymore off the gate and proceed to rape him like a bad bestiality flick.

i would like to point out my awesomeness on both of those kills. tops man tops.

and on the Claymore i engaged a full 10 seconds after everyone else did.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

THE LAW ALWAYS WINS (no lord Albany has not been arrested for crimes he probably committed)

today is a day that will live in infamy..


occupation: mission runner
wanted for crimes: failure to participate in hulkageddon, failure to show for a court hearing, being a fag (just like me)



tsos security forces tracked and apprehended the criminal whilst he was
in the process of destroying a angel civilian settlement.

sources report that an undercover operative was used to get close to the suspect
and when time allowed sprung the tarp.

the result was this:


a TSOs operative was killed by empire security forces for shooting a corporate wreck


Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The Gospel of Eve, Pt. I: In Sago Veritas

Whenever you are lost in space, tired, damaged, alone, you can always take comfort to know that someone is watching you. It may not be a physical entity, or a friendly pilot but His eyes are watching you. But when you are down, broken, and all hope is lost, you can always count on one word of truth for guidance, salvation, hope: the Gospel of Eve.

Part I: In Sago Veritas (In Cloak There is Truth)

This is the Gospel according to Man0f0neWay...

1st letter to the members of General Tso's Alliance:

Take heed my friends! For I have traveled far and seen much. These are dark times upon us when the enemy roams freely within our lands. But fear not, for I am a man of learned stature who will not selfishly keep my knowledge to myself. I will pour my soul before you so that you may feast upon my bountiful counsel. For it is I who alone can provide a solution to our current dilemma.
We all know of the one who calls himself Colt45MaltLikka. The DEMON is among us! But be not afraid my shaken colleagues, for I have devised a plan to rid the land of this demon! There is risk, and there will be losses, but through the darkness, we shall overcome and seduce (italics denotes this word was scratched out from original manuscript) subdue and supplant our enemy! For I now know the strength of invisibility.
To begin any successful engagement, one must tackle one's enemy, put oneself all over him and force him into submission... man on man...

This statue was found in same room where manuscripts were found.

But that is a near impossible task to accomplish with a foe such as MaltLikka; even when we have an interceptor on our side. But I have finally fathomed a solution to our problem: cloaking. The reason he has evaded us so many times before is because he could see us cumming. But no more! My friends, one must fit a cloaking device to one's ship. But not any ship! An interceptor... That way we possess the cunning stealth of covert ops, while retaining the maneuverability and speed of an interceptor. And I know what you are thinking my dear comrades, "What about the targeting delay caused by decloaking?" Well, to that I say one must train cloaking up to level V, a must-have skill. That cuts the targeting delay time in half! The rest can be counterbalanced by the addition of sensor boosters. Who needs DPS when one has the advantage of stealth and speed? All one needs to do is sit upon the gate, cloaked in the darkness...

until the enemy arrives. I know, I know... The plan is ingenious and you feel envy over the fact that you were not the first to birth it, but my friends, I do not seek you jealousy over my enlarged killboard or my superior intellect. That is why I have chosen to share my knowledge with you, that you may one day implement it yourself and have the same success I have had.
Perhaps some day the word of Eve will speak to you too my dear companeros, but until then, I will do you all the favor of continuing to pass on the knowledge it has given me. Thanks Be to Eve. Remember, always: In sago veritas.

Your fearless comrade,


Transcribed by Lord SphinctAnus RectAnus


Defending the Homeland

Over the past few weeks, seyline has been filled with people who talk shit about our corp and run from every fight and run the drug outlet as though it is their only source of income. There where two main fags that show up every night and rag the drug outlet. Colt flew jags and the other fag flew a hookbill. Now, the fag flying the jag was a complete fag and was buffer fit. I offered to 1v1 colt in my ishkur. After warping around for 10 mins, he finally decided to surprise engage me on the station. I shot back, but didn't break his buffer fast enough and lost. Burseg was later was barley was able to kill one of colts jags and was in structure by the time he did. Guess Colt felt he could kill most ishkurs. Then our corp tried to snipe the hookbill and jag on the station in glass cannon fit battleships, but could never break the tank before the fags docked.

So, I decided rather then bitching and crying about how we could never point them, to find a way to point them and stay alive while the rest of the corp could decide to come in and kill them. So, I tested my new theory, and was able to get and have my corp members come kill 2 jags, a 200 mil enyo, 2 hookbills and a few t1 frigs. Now, none of these targets would have been caught with standard methods and even killed corp members who attempted to come in and kill them. Even the fag who used to fly the buffer fit jags, could not have been sniped by Burseg, unless I would have gone in with a cloaking ares and caught him in his jags. So, there you have it, my strategy turned out to be a huge success, despite my corp members not showing up half the time to kill the targets.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Mary is Awesome

For fuck's sake...

For the past several weeks, a rising star (of flaming shit) has been making leaps and bounds past the previous infamous shitheads' level of retardation. I'll give a quick summary of crappy traits of all the shitheads I can pry from the repressed memories:

Amras Arnatuile - A redneck, high a view of himself, who left to join nullsec faggotry years ago. He was the one that coined the phrase "I knew you were going to pull this shit!" after we devised our T1 cruiser strategy WAYY back during the Alpha Project "War" (see: Massacre). He was butthurt that we wanted to challenge ourselves by sticking with cheap ships against an overwhelming number of noobs, that we had no problem crushing with our BS fleet. We also argued that the more active player base in the Alliance wanted more fights, and this was not going to happen if we camped stations with large, intimidating ships. Of course, the selfish members of the corp (who were not logged in nearly as much as those sticking with the T1 strategy), who needed to show off their e-peens became raged. This caused the creation of a shit corp within the Alliance, called Tenth Level Masters, formed by the similar-minded Comm Pic (who has since rejoined the SMERG ranks with the rest of the garbage), thinking they were capable of great things, and that the SMERG policies were only holding them back. Amras eventually went to nullsec, claimed he was getting a Nyx from PL, but is in a 5 man hisec corp with his alt, Slowill, as CEO. So much for that.

Vash Chan - A crackhead that refused to leave his 1 man corp. He managed to get us into several failed wars, some of which were bullshit personal vendettas, including his cousin (?) Mack Reaper, who was wayyy cooler than Vash was (despite being MORE useless). Vash barely ever logged in, and when he did, he dragged the "Alliance Leadership" into a separate channel since he had a feeling he was entitled to secrecy. He eventually left the Alliance and, when later asked as to why, he explained we "never did anything," which is a go-to favorite excuse for those that never seem to log into vent anyway.

BeeJay Rebel - A timid, Burseg fanboy that got his nickname from a guy in class that turned around and said: "Your name is BeeJay, now." Nick Noodle took special joy from tormenting him, especially the day he logged in with a shit mic. This turned out to be another cause for Nick rage-quitting since it was the only "joke" he had; he was eventually called out for not having anything more clever to contribute, and he got massively butthurt, broke his leg, and probably rage-quit life. But back to BeeJay: he would make several outlandish claims about brilliant strategies and game mechanics he "knew" were correct, stating that "that's what we did in Morsus Mihi / VOFL Iron Core," and was always incorrect. He would get startled on nullsec suicide runs, and this eventually bit him in the ass when he manned-up against a similar fleet (see Morsus Mihi link). He eventually rage-quit during a POS siege in Kamio, after going back three times during the siege to change ships, the last ship being a stealth bomber that "has the same DPS as his Armageddon." He has since quit the game.

SeththeImmortal - A prime example of an individual that bitches about Alliance motivations, when there is a lack of them, and also when there is a presence of them. He was complaining for a long time that the Alliance had no goals, and that we seemed happy doing "nothing" in Seyllin. We instructed him that he can take people and wander into other areas of space to "claim" them, or simply roam. He, as predicted, couldn't motivate any members of the corp to go wit him, so he abandoned that idea. He then came up with the idea to have a small piece of SMERG that he would be in charge of, and recruit for, that would go into Syndicate on ops and be a mini nullsec portion of SMERG. He, of course, was too lazy to get that ball rolling either. We then set forth on the goal of getting standing in SMERG high enough to place a tower in Seyllin, but this would require action on all of the members' part, and Seth wanted nothing to do with this either. He simply wanted to bitch and complain about everything under the sun that didn't align with his goals, and wanted the charismatic leadership of the corp to motivate the members to do only things that he wanted. This eventually led to Seth rage-quitting from SMERG in the most spectacular way possible: massacring a mining op in Kamio. He killed an Orca and several Mackinaws, and was possibly the ballsiest thing he's done in his entire EvE and RL life.

Yakoveia - An annoying, ginger, fat, teenager with an even more annoying sister. He was another Burseg fanboy, and left an amazing ragemail when he left. He was short-lived in the Alliance, but left his stain nonetheless.

jinkinss - A previous blog post pretty much explains how he joined us. We then only allowed him to stay because Targamarr begged us to give him a chance, after all the torment we put him through. This turned out to be a mistake, as jinkinss was the most obnoxious non-alt individual to join the Alliance in our entire history. He is, to date, the only member to be forcefully kicked from SMERG for being annoying, alone. We recently forced BCSUPREME to punt some asshole he scooped into his corp, then kicked BC's corp, but that's a separate issue in itself.

Justsharkbait / Targamarr / Harbinger - A lot of this was covered in previous blog posts, but to summarize, they were Christians that somehow were fond of Jade, and once Jade left the corp, it pretty much started the crusades. Shark now "runs" a "null-sec" Alliance that, for the time being, is holding space in a corner of Tribute that MUST be rented from Russians. We are currently blue with their Alliance, which was previously beneficial to General Tso's in the form of free Vexors and Tristans, but there seems to be little benefit to either of our entities to remain blue. The obnoxious habit Shark has is the scooping of all of the former SMERG members, including Seth, and even the too-shitty-to-be-mentioned David Shepard. So he's making his Alliance a "Greatest Hits" of fail.

And this brings us, more or less, to current day. There are a LOT more shit heads, especially some of the Pretty Pony Princess failures, and we have arrived at Mary/Man0f0neWay/Tim Overt.

He combines the worst aspects of each of the annoying members, especially the BeeJay-style "I know everything about this game, let me educate you" attitude, with all the same logic holes and lack of intelligence that was prevalent in BeeJay. He has the ability to annoy on a level similar to Yak and jinkinss, but hasn't quite crossed the threshold of needing to be kicked. He has the attitude that the Alliance sucks and he is God's gift to strategy and would be amazing if only he had the support of the Alliance, like Seth, but fails harder on his own than Seth ever did. His general "success" in PvP was akin to that of the can-flipping strategy famous of Pretty Pony Princess, consisting mostly of smart bombing frigate hulls and pods in Dodixie. It deceives Mary into thinking he is actually good at this game, and for the longest time argued that smartbombs are the most effective weapons system, and tried to reason how they should be fit onto most ships.

I personally want him to write for this blog, as his opinions are 100% genuine, and he would not be taking the role of a "character." He is either too much of a vagina, too lazy, or too technically inept to write English, so it may not happen. To me, it could potentially redeem him in my eyes, but as it stands, I don't foresee me kicking him despite his annoying attitude, as he trolls Brukemia too much, and this is priceless entertainment to me.