Monday, September 12, 2011

Mary is Awesome

For fuck's sake...

For the past several weeks, a rising star (of flaming shit) has been making leaps and bounds past the previous infamous shitheads' level of retardation. I'll give a quick summary of crappy traits of all the shitheads I can pry from the repressed memories:

Amras Arnatuile - A redneck, high a view of himself, who left to join nullsec faggotry years ago. He was the one that coined the phrase "I knew you were going to pull this shit!" after we devised our T1 cruiser strategy WAYY back during the Alpha Project "War" (see: Massacre). He was butthurt that we wanted to challenge ourselves by sticking with cheap ships against an overwhelming number of noobs, that we had no problem crushing with our BS fleet. We also argued that the more active player base in the Alliance wanted more fights, and this was not going to happen if we camped stations with large, intimidating ships. Of course, the selfish members of the corp (who were not logged in nearly as much as those sticking with the T1 strategy), who needed to show off their e-peens became raged. This caused the creation of a shit corp within the Alliance, called Tenth Level Masters, formed by the similar-minded Comm Pic (who has since rejoined the SMERG ranks with the rest of the garbage), thinking they were capable of great things, and that the SMERG policies were only holding them back. Amras eventually went to nullsec, claimed he was getting a Nyx from PL, but is in a 5 man hisec corp with his alt, Slowill, as CEO. So much for that.

Vash Chan - A crackhead that refused to leave his 1 man corp. He managed to get us into several failed wars, some of which were bullshit personal vendettas, including his cousin (?) Mack Reaper, who was wayyy cooler than Vash was (despite being MORE useless). Vash barely ever logged in, and when he did, he dragged the "Alliance Leadership" into a separate channel since he had a feeling he was entitled to secrecy. He eventually left the Alliance and, when later asked as to why, he explained we "never did anything," which is a go-to favorite excuse for those that never seem to log into vent anyway.

BeeJay Rebel - A timid, Burseg fanboy that got his nickname from a guy in class that turned around and said: "Your name is BeeJay, now." Nick Noodle took special joy from tormenting him, especially the day he logged in with a shit mic. This turned out to be another cause for Nick rage-quitting since it was the only "joke" he had; he was eventually called out for not having anything more clever to contribute, and he got massively butthurt, broke his leg, and probably rage-quit life. But back to BeeJay: he would make several outlandish claims about brilliant strategies and game mechanics he "knew" were correct, stating that "that's what we did in Morsus Mihi / VOFL Iron Core," and was always incorrect. He would get startled on nullsec suicide runs, and this eventually bit him in the ass when he manned-up against a similar fleet (see Morsus Mihi link). He eventually rage-quit during a POS siege in Kamio, after going back three times during the siege to change ships, the last ship being a stealth bomber that "has the same DPS as his Armageddon." He has since quit the game.

SeththeImmortal - A prime example of an individual that bitches about Alliance motivations, when there is a lack of them, and also when there is a presence of them. He was complaining for a long time that the Alliance had no goals, and that we seemed happy doing "nothing" in Seyllin. We instructed him that he can take people and wander into other areas of space to "claim" them, or simply roam. He, as predicted, couldn't motivate any members of the corp to go wit him, so he abandoned that idea. He then came up with the idea to have a small piece of SMERG that he would be in charge of, and recruit for, that would go into Syndicate on ops and be a mini nullsec portion of SMERG. He, of course, was too lazy to get that ball rolling either. We then set forth on the goal of getting standing in SMERG high enough to place a tower in Seyllin, but this would require action on all of the members' part, and Seth wanted nothing to do with this either. He simply wanted to bitch and complain about everything under the sun that didn't align with his goals, and wanted the charismatic leadership of the corp to motivate the members to do only things that he wanted. This eventually led to Seth rage-quitting from SMERG in the most spectacular way possible: massacring a mining op in Kamio. He killed an Orca and several Mackinaws, and was possibly the ballsiest thing he's done in his entire EvE and RL life.

Yakoveia - An annoying, ginger, fat, teenager with an even more annoying sister. He was another Burseg fanboy, and left an amazing ragemail when he left. He was short-lived in the Alliance, but left his stain nonetheless.

jinkinss - A previous blog post pretty much explains how he joined us. We then only allowed him to stay because Targamarr begged us to give him a chance, after all the torment we put him through. This turned out to be a mistake, as jinkinss was the most obnoxious non-alt individual to join the Alliance in our entire history. He is, to date, the only member to be forcefully kicked from SMERG for being annoying, alone. We recently forced BCSUPREME to punt some asshole he scooped into his corp, then kicked BC's corp, but that's a separate issue in itself.

Justsharkbait / Targamarr / Harbinger - A lot of this was covered in previous blog posts, but to summarize, they were Christians that somehow were fond of Jade, and once Jade left the corp, it pretty much started the crusades. Shark now "runs" a "null-sec" Alliance that, for the time being, is holding space in a corner of Tribute that MUST be rented from Russians. We are currently blue with their Alliance, which was previously beneficial to General Tso's in the form of free Vexors and Tristans, but there seems to be little benefit to either of our entities to remain blue. The obnoxious habit Shark has is the scooping of all of the former SMERG members, including Seth, and even the too-shitty-to-be-mentioned David Shepard. So he's making his Alliance a "Greatest Hits" of fail.

And this brings us, more or less, to current day. There are a LOT more shit heads, especially some of the Pretty Pony Princess failures, and we have arrived at Mary/Man0f0neWay/Tim Overt.

He combines the worst aspects of each of the annoying members, especially the BeeJay-style "I know everything about this game, let me educate you" attitude, with all the same logic holes and lack of intelligence that was prevalent in BeeJay. He has the ability to annoy on a level similar to Yak and jinkinss, but hasn't quite crossed the threshold of needing to be kicked. He has the attitude that the Alliance sucks and he is God's gift to strategy and would be amazing if only he had the support of the Alliance, like Seth, but fails harder on his own than Seth ever did. His general "success" in PvP was akin to that of the can-flipping strategy famous of Pretty Pony Princess, consisting mostly of smart bombing frigate hulls and pods in Dodixie. It deceives Mary into thinking he is actually good at this game, and for the longest time argued that smartbombs are the most effective weapons system, and tried to reason how they should be fit onto most ships.

I personally want him to write for this blog, as his opinions are 100% genuine, and he would not be taking the role of a "character." He is either too much of a vagina, too lazy, or too technically inept to write English, so it may not happen. To me, it could potentially redeem him in my eyes, but as it stands, I don't foresee me kicking him despite his annoying attitude, as he trolls Brukemia too much, and this is priceless entertainment to me.

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