Saturday, October 29, 2011

30 Minute Transition Time

For fuck's sake...

As the previous two campaigns were coming to a close, we received this little tidbit of information:

This gave us a grand total of 30 minutes to decompress between wars. Before I move onto the new war's launch, I'll summarize the past two.

First, the "We Aren't CHAEM" campaign.

SUCCESS. Despite ZorZ best efforts to make us fail, we (SMERG) pulled our shit together in several skirmishes the resulted in far more ISK destroyed than lost, and overall victory was achieved.

The BDEAL/CHAEM campaign is a different story. Our relentless onslaught of Battleship losses the first day was a massive tactical error in retrospect, but I accept none of the blame and defer it all to Yin's shitty POS's.

I'd like to take this moment to ask noobs a question. Why do you undock in haulers/mission running ships/mining ships during a war? Do you believe the war doesn't apply to you when you are in a defenseless ship? You aren't special, and "watching local" does nothing, as evident from the many many mission runner losses in the past.

During the CHAEM war, Rectanus, an individual I thought WASN'T a total noob, lost a Bestower.... right outside of Dodixie, most likely EN ROUTE to Dodixie... a hub where our war targets were known to be in. I've yet to hear an explanation, but I guarantee anything he says will be fail. Then tonight, Kaphine, a MinYin, undocked in Seyllin, after a night of insane fights, with crazy bloodthirsty war targets in nano-faggy Minmatar bullshit flying around, in his Iteron Mark III. His goal was to "get his hauler to Clort." Why he needed to do this AT THAT MOMENT is beyond me, and he was without explanation. At least Rectanus most likely didn't know that enemies were around.

Anyway, without further ado, the new war's current campaign stats:

A breakdown of the engagements:
1) The enemy showed up in Seyllin, with an Ares. We responded by unleashing our Ishkurs, pushing the enemy back into Mets, to the Erme gate. We then were ambushed by a Cynabal, Hurricane, and Taranis. The Taranis was quickly eliminated, and the Cynabal was keeping range with the Ares, which left the Hurricane as primary. Both I and Hot Tubes fell to the DPS before Bashar's logistics ship could get in range, and my destruction released the point on the Hurricane, so it escaped. The Cynabal made the mistake of coming within scramble range of the Ishkurs, and died very quickly as the rest of the fleet arrive.

2) We then sent Hot Tubes in his Vindicator to camp outside their main station in Villore, as the rest of us shipped up to our shiny fleet. The enemy undocked into him, and we warped to Choobs, and mopped the floor with the enemy fleet, with no losses.

3) We shifted gears, keeping the enemy always guessing what our strategy would be, shipping way down to our glorious Tristans (visible to the right of this wall of text-->). We managed to bump a bait Drake that was playing docking games off station, and murdered him under our bad ass wall of fire. We were pushed back from Villore by growing enemy numbers, and because a member of our fleet (Dark Drifter) figured that a better use of his time would be to go and kill some rats that were about 100km from the engagement zone for whatever the fuck reason.

4) Immediately afterwards, we sent most of the fleet back to Seyllin to ship back up to the shiny fleet, leaving a couple SMERG members in Villore to keep the enemy fleet interested. They included Iron Straw, Kaphine and Mary. Iron hit a huge lag spike during one of his undocking teases, and was podded, leaving.... MARY as our primary"hope." It worked decently, providing us a single kill as the rest of their fleet docked in terror.

5) We fell back to Seyllin, this time giving the enemy the chance to be on the offensive. They brought a pretty large nano-fag fleet, consisting of interceptors, Vagabonds, Cynabals, and a Hound. We reacted with the infamous, battle-hardened Vexor blob. The initial engagement occurred in a large, straight line from the Mets gate, aligned to the Seyllin star. Warping between the gate the star, the engagement was chaotic, and quite length, the kill board estimating around 15-20 minutes long. In the end, we had several cruiser losses, but we destroyed two ceptors, two Vagabonds, and a stealth bomber, AND held the field.

6) After a brief decompression time, we sent scouts to Villore and Dodixie to get eyes-on enemy movement. Since they are easily the ballsiest and most active war targets we have ever had, we were not surprised to see them still mobilizing. We spotted two in the Dix, most likely refitting new ships, and had to move quick to bottle them in. We didn't make it in time, and the enemy fleet moved off into Seyllin, most likely in an attempt to counter-blockade us. I flew the fleet into the enemy's fleet, and fought once again on the Erme gate in Mets. We once again emerged victorious against far more valuable ships.

7) There was many more minutes of chasing a Stabber pair and Vagabond around Seyllin, and with no kills, we eventually called an end to the ops. That was, until they jumped into Ane after Kaphine's hauler... This bothered Yin, and I quickly devised a strategy. After one of the targets said goodbye for the night, leaving a Vagabond and Stabber in Ane, I positioned the fleet on the gate, and commanded Yin to push his Iteron Mark V into Seyllin. The enemy fell for the trap, and after some dancing around, we successfully destroyed both craft.

Needless to say, this war has been the most exciting one in recent memory, and quite possibly, in all of General Tso's history. Unlike the merc decs we usually receive, these guys are based out of Villore, 3 jumps from Seyllin and are extremely ballsy, and willing to fight against our superior numbers. This war will bring hell to Villore, Seyllin, Mets, Erme, Botane and Dodixie, unlike any other war in our past.

We look forward to the remainder of the week.

P.S. One more Vaga to close out the night.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Operation "I CHAEM on Your Father's Chest" - CASEVAC Request

*dives into trench, grabs the handset from the nearby decapitated Comm guy... Mutters "fucking POG" under his breath*

SMERG Actual to Alliance BAS, standby for CASEVAC 9-line.

Line 1 - (Location) Ane Star System
Line 2 - (Call Sign) General Tso's
Line 3 - (Precedence) Alpha (Urgent)
Line 4 - (Special Equipment) "Charlie" (clone vat bay)
Line 5 - (Number of Patients by Type) 3 Papa (podded), 13 Lima (litters).
Line 6 - (Security of LZ) - Xray (enemy troops in area).
Line 7 - (Marking) - Whiskey Charlie (d-scan for the wrecks and corpses)
Line 8 - (Nationality) - 6 Alpha (US), 2 Charlie (non-US)
Line 9 - (NBC Contamination) - Foxtrot (feces)

How copy????


For fuck's sake...

CHAEM has joined the ranks of BDEAL, as previously predicted. Its a well-known rule of EvE that ill-equipped corps will find bigger friends to handle their problems for them... and by EvE I mean real life.

The war has been brought to the home front, or rather, our inferior neighbor system of Ane, where Yin put up a lot more towers than I originally thought he had. They made a glorious battleground for the first engagements of the escalated conflict.

Our first insane attempt involved getting Yin's carrier into Ane so he can repair his crap towers, while simultaneously losing all our BS's to a fleet approximately twice our size. Mission accomplished.

Next step involved warping our battle-hardened Vexor fleet against a lone Proteus, which was joined by a Hurricane and Drake. Primary switched to the cane, and but the onslaught of 5x the pilots against us was a little more than our brave Vexors could handle. Oh, and apparently my idiot piloting error resulting in fail-cascade loss of my Oneiros is counted as a component in the engagement.

Third strategy involved the first Beta-test for our sniper fleet. It worked slightly, but noobs being what they are, we still managed to lose more than we destroyed in the engagement... including a pod. We warped in an out for a while, harassing their fleet. It was surprisingly more fun than I imagined, and one Brutix kill more effective than I thought it would be.

The final engagement (as of this posting) happened outside our shitty home station in Seyllin. Of all the engagements, this one had the fairest number of participants, and was all-around a good fight. Something I can acknowledge about our shitty Alliance is that we certainly can come toe-to-toe against any similar numbered fleet. Sometimes these idiots still manage to pleasantly surprise me.

As of this posting, the campaign appears as such:

Oh, and the other assholes' campaign its better, after a day of me taking SMERG on an un-fucking spree to undo the losses ZorZ and the SMERG d-squad had mindlessly blown for the first two days of the war. I sadly feel that this war is going to take a back seat for the remainder of the CHAEM/BDEAL campaign, even though these Powerpuff guys were a blast to fight against.

And I'll leave with a nice translation fail or something... not sure if its a problem with Google translate or something, but this person didn't really know the meaning of English words, and I corrected him.
[01:03:37] some guy (sic) > hmm wouldnt calling us targets mean you actually shot and destroyed somethin?
[01:04:09] Burseg Sardaukar > no, a target implies targetting something
[01:04:15] Burseg Sardaukar > a victim implies death

Oh, I also promised our long-time-frenemy Nimits* that I would mention his small penis. I applaud him for his honesty, and welcome him into the club.

*Thx to Luav for spellcheck.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

WTF Did I Log Into?

For fuck's sake...

Since my RL takes precedence over the needs of my shit Alliance members, I came stumbling back from class to see this bullshit:

Which is good an all, but a couple blog posts, and very confusing stories on vent have brought to my attention a bunch of various realities:

1. Mary is fucking terrible at EvE.
2. Timmah0 is either the crappiest fitter in all of EvE, or a seasoned troll.

3. Smacktalking STILL makes the smacktalker look like a retard.
4. We will be wardeccing Chaos Empire.

The last little bit there is to finally step up and actually do what we have said we would do from day 1, but haven't done as of yet, for various reasons. The vote was almost unanimous on vent. Assemble the Vexor blob! As soon as.....

Since most of CHAEM are noobs and/or carebears, the floor mopping is pretty much guaranteed. My hope is they will catch the mission runners/Incursion-ers unawares and smoke them in their faction Battleships. Then we will get all kinds of tears from all sides.

And to close the night, a great quote from local, regarding my EvE-O forum post about upcoming Player-Owned Customs Offices (POCOs).

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

My finger slipped

Chaos Empire has been kicked from the alliance.

Don't get me wrong, I love wars. The reason for the war was stupid though (smack talking). And to make matters worse the culprit firmly stated he would continue to do it. He felt that an honourable 1v1 against our best PvPer would somehow prove, if he won, that smack talking is the right thing to do.

This made a lot of sense, or something, so we sent our best fighter against theirs.

Mary met Timmah in glorious battle at planet 1 in mets. Unfortunately there was a series of cataclysmic errors. I somehow repped Timmah and Salid somehow killed Mary.

That's besides the point. Apart from that Timmah started talking shit about bringing some dep friends (BDEAL) against us in Sey, then some dep people were waiting at planet 1 for the fight and in local.

Based on the smacktalking, the fact people within their corp was backing Timmah up on the smacktalking, and the dep connections, we voted and kicked them.


The Gospel of Eve, Pt. III: Mors Collegii Contumeliosum Est

Whenever you are lost in space, tired, damaged, alone, you can always take comfort to know that someone is watching you. It may not be physical entity, or a friendly pilot but His eyes are watching you. But when you are down, broken, and all hope is lost, you can always count on one word of truth for guidance, salvation, hope: the Gospel of Eve.

Part III: Mors Collegii Contumeliosum Est (Taunting [Smack-Talking] is the death of a corporation)

This is the Gospel according to Timmah0...

1st letter to the members of General Tso's Alliance:

Snakes! Heathens! Mighty rage will rain down upon thee from on high!!!! You have made an enemy with a individual who commands mighty friends. I will not forget this insult! You will be hearing from my scores of minions!

You have made a powerful mistake, and for what? You claim you do not condone smack-talking but I have seen on countless occasions, the indecency between you and your own brethren. Man0f0neWay has taken most of the punishment you and your kind of dealt out! I feel his pain. But still, you claim to be innocent here in this matter.

I tell you, to talk smack is not only a privilege, it is a necessity in the Eve universe! But I understand if you are too frightened to do so. I laugh at your trepidation! I know that you cannot ever deliver on your threats and promises. Not one of you has the skills required to survive in this universe and that fact surrounds your entire alliance like a foul stench. I regret that I have every become part of your alliance of cowards.

That is why I challenged you to send your best fighter to me. We were to settle this in the most honorable way there is... A fight to the death.

But you obviously had other plans. Upon meeting Man0f0neWay on the field of battle, you attempted to spring your plan of deception upon me, but you failed. In the ensuing chaos, your own man fell to his doom.

I laugh at your failed attempt to assert your dominance. And I laugh at how, in your shame of losing this epic decisive battle, you kicked my corporation out of your alliance. You are all pathetic and weak and you have no heard the last of me. The smack talking will continue and you shall not be spared from it!

Your former comrade,

Transcribed by Lord SphinctAnus RectAnus


Saturday, October 15, 2011

We lost a Chimera

A good rule to follow is always put a point on your ship first and then fit your tank and DPS around it. Even if you only have tank and a point, you are still able to get kills because you can hold a target there until other people in the alliance get there. My ares was and still is a perfect example of how you can get good kills by simply following this rule. Now, you may be asking, why the hell am I bringing this shit back up? A rather common situation happened today in which retards in our alliance failed to get a kill because a target was not pointed. So, that's why I am explaining this to everyone again in the slim hope that maybe, just maybe this time they will listen and learn. Five watched a Chimera warp off from a finished mission. Wishing someone, anyone, even for a few mins could place a point on that carrier. Turns out, one of them had a point and was jammed by some drones. We can lose targets all day long or we can start fitting points on our ships. It's entirely up to us.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

They Are Already Inside the HOUSE!

For fuck's sake...

Our Mr. Moneybags (Manalapan) decreed that he wanted a POS removed, and since 1/2 our dreads are technically owned by him, we sort of had to comply. That and we don't like the idea of Choobs making any more money in Incursions, so stopping him from doing that is always a good idea. We cyno'ed into Ane, with the usual hiccups of people not having fuel (stront OR isotopes) and sat around for another 10 minutes after waiting for Choobs to travel the hour from the Incursion constellations. But before we knew it, we were grinding that tower like no tomorrow.

It started all fine and dandy, despite delays, and it was only about two siege cycles in that we realized the tower DIDN'T HAVE STRONT!

It seems the Gods of inter-species homosexuality were smiling on us, at first. We entered our third siege cycles, taking the tower out in no time flat. This is when shit hit the fan.

Lol. Needless to say there was much fake-screaming on vent and sighs of acceptance from all the inept members of my shit alliance for the inevitable. The Nyx's chose a proper primary, Comm's shit Naglfar. They then made the mistake of shooting at BE3DEXOD's ungodly Phoenix. It was this mistake that probably saved half of our fleet, as we exited siege and made a tactical retreat of several ships. It was then that the late-sieged Choobs and Lydia were primaried, with Lydia ultimately getting her ass handed to her, and Choobs entering warp at half armor. This left Maren on the field, who then was murdered.

But, an absolute shit ton of stuff dropped at the POS, including ANOTHER POS tower which was inside their corp hangar array. We certainly didn't come out on top, by any means, but the entire engagement was a blast (lol, get it...). I enjoyed  maneuvering Bashar in a Viator between the fighter bombers to scoop any drops from the recently murdered dreads. Sadly the Nyx's caught on quick and just popped the wrecks, so the effort was almost fruitless aside from a couple mods from the Naglfar.

The scary realization, however, is that there was no cyno to bring the Nyxes into Ane. This leaves the only option that the ships were already inside the system, like a bad campfire scary story. 

Needless to say, we will be running locators on those pilots over the coming weeks to see when/if they vacate before we move into the next stage of Ane-wiping. It is a pretty big waste for three+ Nyxes to be logged in Ane for weeks, and I'm sure our ridiculous level of patience will out last them. After all, of all those that have come and gone from the Seyllin/Ane area, the only alliance that remains is our shitty ass General Tso's. Hell, gigantic nullsec blocs have been broken up during our existence, and we remain.

Oh, and our Incursion money will have to fund the replacement of the recently killed dread fleet, but orders are already placed and we should be back to full capacity within the next month.