Sunday, January 8, 2012

The Gospel of Eve, Pt. IV: Sexi Gratia

Whenever you are lost in space, tired, damaged alone, you can always take comfort to know that someone is watching you. It may not be a physical entity, or a friendly pilot but His eyes are watching you. But when you are down, broken, and all hope is lost, you can always count on one word of truth for guidance, salvation, hope: the Gospel of Eve.

Part IV: Sexi Gratia... (For fuck's sake...)

This is the Gospel according to Caid Sardaukar...

First letter to Man0f0neWay:

Sexi gratia, fratre... Sexi gratia. I flew as hastily as one could when I received your summons for there was an earnestness in your wording that could not be ignored. These are the words I received:

"Come brothers! Come at once! Before me I have a mighty Hulk. Majestic. Built beautifully. Not unlike a strong man working hard in the fields; sweating, flexing, pulsing, throbbing... But it is in violation of our mining codes! We must deliver a message to this heretic! Alas, I am but one man and cannot take a goal of this magnitude upon myself solo. I need assistance with haste. I cannot wait here forever. Bring yourself and what force you can spare at once! We shall show this heathen what defiance of our laws brings upon him! I will be waiting for your call, patiently, and will let you know when to strike." - Man0f0neWay

I prepared my ship with the utmost haste and embarked on the journey to meet with you, brother. But upon arriving on the field of battle, my anticipation and haste were met with... nothing. Emptiness; save for a few of our comrades waiting patiently for the word to attack. But it never came. Silence, darkness, uncertainty. Several of us for ourselves wondering if you had been lost in battle, but much to our disappointment, no mail of a kill ever arrived. Instead we found ourselves floating in space, and our collective, battle-ready testicles turned a blueish hue.

It was not until one of our battle squadron scanned the system to discover that no Hulk existed in the system. Your failure brought great shame upon us all. It would only have been honorable for you to take your own life... But seeing as you were far to cowardly to do so, one of us gladly did the job for you.

Your enraged companion,

Caid Sardaukar

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Transcribed by Lord SphinctAnus RectAnus

PERMITTE ME INDVCERE: DOMINVS SPHINCTANVS RECTANVS MIANI CONNECTICVTI SVM.

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