Monday, June 4, 2012

The Gospel of Eve, Pt. VII: Mihi Laborat Noli Facere

Whenever you are lost in in space, tired, damaged, alone, you can always take comfort to know that someone is watching you. It may not be a physical entity, or a friendly pilot, but His eyes are watching you. But when you are down, broken, and all hope is lost, you can always count on one word of truth for guidance, salvation, hope: the Gospel of Eve.

Part VII: Mihi Laborat Noli Facere (It Don't Work Fo' Me)

This is the Gospel according to Lord AlbannII...

First letter to General Tso's Alliance:

(Nota bene: This is not a translation. Translator received this letter and decided to publish it as it was written. Enjoy.)

Bruhthers! Maye da Lawd, Jeezus Kriste, alwayz smiel apawn yue in yo' tiem of ignerince. It haz ben sum tiem sense I partid waize wit yuez awl, butt feer not, I holed no il fealinz tordz yue at awl. Yet, yue seme harber alot uv haytrid in yo' sole. I tryde tu help yue; I tryde tu get yue tu let da Lawd Jeezus intu yo' hart. Butt yo' hartz iz coald. Thair bee no lite in yo' solez. Butt I kepe triein eevin wen ain't nobudee got tiem fo' dat. I wil kuntinyue tu sho yue nuthin butt kiendnes and I wil praye fo' yo' solez. And I donte cair if yue shute at mee. I wil tern the uhther cheke az lawng az it taykss. Sum daye yue wil eksept Lawd Jeezus intu yo' livze. Wen yue due, yue wil beecum betah menn. And donte wury, the Lawd Gawd wil fogiv yue fo' yo' trespasiz. No man iz beeyawnd reedempshun. Not eevin Cain hoo kild hiz bruhther Abel. Yue ar awl Cainz tu meye Abel. I luv yue az I wood a bruhther and I wil wate fo' yue in Paradice. I wil wate fo' yue to eksept the Lawd Jeezus intu yo' hartz. I wil kuntinyue to praye fo' yue. Prayz Jeezus! Prayz da Lawd. Halayluyah!

Yo' eeturnul bruhther,
Lord AlbannII

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Transcribed by Lord SphinctAnus RectAnus

vPERMITTE ME INDVCERE: DOMINVS SPHINCTANVS RECTANVS MIANI CONNECTICVTI SVM.

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