Friday, September 13, 2013

Am I some kind of Orca aggro magnet?

This is a mostly a copy-pasta from a post I already made on Reddit. To downvote it, go here:

I posted this after an engagement last night where we killed an Orca. It was my second Orca kill with a Tristan from canflipping in two days, and my third in a month. Plus it was a particularly good story, so I decided it was worth a post on Reddit. I wrote up an article about it, and then went to bed.

Today I was happy to see that it got a pretty good response. I had some stuff to do this afternoon, but I figured I had time to log in and harass some miners before I left. Within half an hour I had YET ANOTHER FUCKING ORCA ENGAGE ME, and so I pinged Belligerent Undesirables again and had a couple people come to help, but they weren't actually needed. It was a fairly easy kill.

So here is the original post on Reddit, and I will make a quick writeup about the last Orca at the end of it.

The original Post:
I am normally against this kind of attention-whoring over kills, but I think this has now become too amusing not to share. The story I'm about to tell you happened tonight, and it is my 2nd Orca kill in a Tristan from canflipping in 48 hours, and my 3rd in about a month and a half. There is something about me (probably my stupid face) that makes Orca pilots so angry and violent that they can't even take the time to dock up and switch ships before lashing out; they just have to punch me in the face right then and there (with drones).

So this all started when I stole some metal scaps. Yeah, I shit you not. The highsec rat loot that this Orca died for was worth less than 25k ISK in total.

There was a reasonable sized mining op comprised of Procurers and two Orcas. When I went suspect, almost immediately I was aggressed by one of the Procurers. When I started shooting him back, one of the Orcas decided to join in and help. I quickly switched my point over to the Orca, keeping my drones on the Procurer, and pinged on Ventrilo and in Belligerent Undesirables for backup. I was actually relieved that I only had to kill an Orca with a T1 frigate instead of the Procurer, since Orcas are easier to kill than post-mining buff Procurers. Within a minute or so, I realized the second Orca had sent his drones after me, but they couldn't actually catch me to start a limited engagement (for the first Orca I actually had to slow down to let the drones catch me and give aggro). I didn't have a second point anyway, so I just let his drones chase me for a while until common sense hit him and he pulled them and left, along with the Procurer. Yes, I literally had two Orcas aggress/try to aggress me to save a Procurer, who decided to attack me over some metal scraps that I guarantee he didn't want anyway. I love miners.

It wasn't long before he pinged for his own backup and they showed up to try and ruin my fun. This is where it gets entertaining, so I am going to do my best to give you an accurate blow-by-blow of the events. Disclaimer: Many of the details are fuzzy here. I did my best to piece together what I remember of the fight, but I am sure they are not 100% accurate.

Before my backup started arriving, a Rupture arrived on the field. He aggressesd me and I originally sent my drones after him to scare him off, but I realized he was too well tanked, so I decided to just put my drones back on the Orca and hope I could tank him. After a minute or so of not doing any damage at all to me, the Rupture decides to leave.

Shortly after that, a Megathron Navy Issue lands on grid and aggresses me. Needless to say, his guns were not hitting me at all, but his drones started doing a bit of damage so I took some time here to kill off his drones and the ones belonging to the Orca. After that I just went back to shooting the Orca, and pretended the Navy Mega didn't exist for the remainder of the fight.

My backup finally started arriving on grid, and around the same time the Rupture pilot came back in a Talwar. The Talwar started attacking, but he was hitting me hard, so I couldn't ignore him. I was in a shield-tanked Tristan, and the only logi I had on grid was armor logi (which didn't get used during the entire fight, other than for bumping). I sent my drones after the Talwar, but he was dying very, very slowly. When another one of their corpmates landed on grid in a Blackbird, I ordered my backup to start bumping the Orca to prevent him from warping off, and I started preparing myself mentally for the inevitable jams.

The Blackbird started jamming me, and I did my best to keep fighting the Talwar in between jam cycles. Finally he warps off, and I send my drones back on the Orca. At this point I am completely permajammed by this Blackbird (who is at 180km, BTW. Thanks CCP.). Fortunately my backup is doing an excellent job keeping the Orca bumped, and my drones are slowly eating away at his shield.

After a minute or two the Talwar comes back. He starts shooting at me again, and I manage to lock him to quickly send my drones after him before I am jammed again. He is slowly taking down my shield, and I can't lock him to even see where his health is at. Since the Orca doesn't seem to be going anywhere and I am permajammed anyway, I decide to burn way out to try and regain some shield and see if I can get outside the Blackbird's lock range. Once I hit 50% shield I burn back in, and the Talwar warps off before I can even get another lock on him. For some reason he didn't return after that.

So after the Talwar leaves I immediately get jammed again. Now my drones just sit there stupidly in space, not doing anything. I am orbiting the Orca, but I have no way of aggressing. I am permajammed by this damn Blackbird, and my limited engagement timer is slowly ticking away. I order half of my backup to go try and bump the Blackbird farther away from me. Two minutes left; I am spamming the hell out of the lock button.  One minute and thirty seconds; Still spamming lock, as a Jaguar lands on grid. The Jaguar aggresses, and my drones auto-aggro him. 30 second left, and I am already starting to mourn the loss of an Orca kill. But then finally, the Jag decides to leave, and for some reaosn my drones go back to shooting the Orca!

So now there are no immediate threats on the field. The Navy Mega still is still around but isn't hurting me. I am still permajammed, but at least my drones are still doing damage to the Orca, who is now into armor. And finally, my Suspect ends right as more of the Orca's corpmates start landing on grid. At this point all they can do is watch.

You might be wondering why I haven't mentioned any of them shooting my drones at all. That's because during this entire engagement, the only one who had the sense to try shooting my drones here was the Orca, but he only did it occasionally, and never at the right times. Everyone else just left them alone to slowly kill him, uncontested.

Now at this point I am having one group of support bump the Orca in one direction, and another group bump the Blackbird in the other direction. Slowly he is starting to miss more and more jam cycles, until eventually he has had enough and warps off. I spend a few minutes watching the Orca's armor go down relatively quickly, while keeping an eye on the Blackbird's limited engagement timer and watching DSCAN for him at the same time.

When I finally see the Blackbird back on scan, there is less than a minute left on his aggro. I give my support a heads up and start aligning out. He lands on grid without about 30 seconds left on the timer, and I immediately warp out. I bounce off the sun and warp back in. As I am in warp watching the last few seconds of his aggro timer count down, I noticed something else: The Navy Mega's aggro is going to end before I land back on grid as well. I hadn't noticed it, but he must have deaggressed somehow shortly after the Blackbird warped off.

So I land back on grid with no more hostile aggro, and that was the final nail in the coffin for the Orca. He was into structure, and all of the backup he had on grid could do nothing but watch. As a last-ditch effort he brought in a Scimitar to rep his shield for a few cycles until my support scared him off, but it failed, and eventually they all just gave up. When he hit about 80% struct, he initiated self-destruct, and that was how it ended.

His wreck was filled with maybe 50m worth of crap, but his corpmates blew it up before we could scoop any of it. I didn't care. It wasn't about the ISK anyway.


One thing I found amusing was that looking at his Orca fit, he was structure tanked. He took the time to fit a tank on his Orca, but then as soon as I hit his tank, he decided to self-destruct instead of letting his tank do its job. Oh well, all he did was save all of us some time. I can't complain.

After the Orca died, they decided they had not given us enough entertainment just yet, so they decided to shower us with tears in local chat (with our encouragement):

[03:36:11] Elam Ciaran > Fuck you =P
[03:36:16] BE3DEXOD > Kill: Phist Butts (Orca) :P
[03:36:38] Elam Ciaran > *golf clap*Shouldn't you kids be getting into bed?
[03:37:05] Jarod Garamonde > TEARS!!!! TEARS!!!! YES!!!!!!
[03:37:14] Phist Butts > Too bad you're too chicken shit to do that in low sec
[03:37:46] Jarod Garamonde > dude.... the hell we don't
[03:37:48] BE3DEXOD > Well, Orcas generally don't hang out in lowsec
[03:38:04] Phist Butts > And appaerntly neither do you
[03:38:07] Selina Crendraven > WTS ORCA 800 MIL
[03:38:11] Phist Butts > Might get yourself hurt
[03:38:23] Jarod Garamonde > I gots your drones
[03:39:37] Elam Ciaran > The only reason you fucking shit eaters are alive right now is because the game mechanics are protecting you.
[03:39:56] Selina Crendraven > Hey man, you seem a tab bit mad.
[03:39:56] Phist Butts > lol
[03:40:00] BE3DEXOD > Yeah, I know. I hate when I know how to use game mechanics to my advantage.
[03:40:39] BE3DEXOD > Funny how the 6 or 7 people shooting me at once didn't save the Orca when the game mechanics were on your side in the beginning
[03:40:42] Phist Butts > Haha, he might be now, but at the end of the day, you are the shit eaters that can only exist hiding behind concord
[03:40:42] Elam Ciaran > Wel, I'm about to use a credit card to mine. Hope you like non-stop war decs.
[03:40:51] Jarod Garamonde > I couldn't help but notice your tears. They run deep. SHARE THEM WITH ME!!!
[03:41:17] Selina Crendraven > Welcome to Eve friends, where you're not safe anywhere. Even in High-Sec!
[03:41:24] BE3DEXOD > Phist Butts remember that comment in a few days
[03:41:31] BE3DEXOD > When I start burning through these:
[03:41:32] BE3DEXOD >
[03:41:37] Phist Butts > Any where people are chicken shit, even on the internet
[03:41:46] Selina Crendraven > Reported for harassment
[03:41:52] Phist Butts > Try toughening up sometime, and come play with the big boys
[03:41:59] Phist Butts > Have a good night
[03:42:03] Elam Ciaran > Bring it. I've actually got a job that pays real money and doesn't depend on me being an asshole. I do that bit of my own free will.
[03:42:05] Selina Crendraven > Play with the big boys? You're mining an ice belt
[03:42:06] Jarod Garamonde > HTFU, carebear
[03:42:18] BE3DEXOD > I know, you big boys who spend all day mining in highsec
[03:42:30] Elam Ciaran > I'm gonna fuck you until you quit playng this game. Then we'll see who's tears taste the best.
[03:42:34] BE3DEXOD > lol
[03:42:46] Jarod Garamonde > My job depends on me being an asshole.
[03:42:52] Selina Crendraven > Elam Ciaran reported!
[03:42:54] Phist Butts > TSA?
[03:42:58] BE3DEXOD > Elam Ciaran you are the reason I grief in Eve
[03:43:08] Jarod Garamonde > I'm an Artillery Spotter... I don;t even have the decency to LOOK at the people I'm killing before I do it
[03:43:10] BE3DEXOD > Your corp just became my new favorite corp in Eve
[03:43:12] Phist Butts > Selina, find some more ways to hide beind the game
[03:43:23] Phist Butts > Weak people need that
[03:43:26] BE3DEXOD > Are you guys recruiting? I have a few awox alts who aren't doing anything, and I saw you had a second Orca there.
[03:43:30] Phist Butts > Here and in real life
[03:43:41] Selina Crendraven > What am I hiding behind?
[03:43:44] Jarod Garamonde > says the Orca pilot that sits and boosts miners all day
[03:43:51] Selina Crendraven > Bro, you lost an orca, please cry about it some more in local
[03:43:56] Selina Crendraven > maybe you can petition it and get it back
[03:44:00] Phist Butts > I'll let you reread what you don't understand
[03:44:17] Phist Butts > Hey guys, I know you think this is AOL messanger, but I have things to do
[03:44:19] Phist Butts > later
[03:44:35] Selina Crendraven > "Is a big boy; cries about spaceship loss in video game"

And like I mentioned, this was my second Orca kill, with a Tristan, from canflipping, in less than two days. The previous kill can be found here:

For that one he was tanking me for a long time, and I actually had to move my Orca alt 20 jumps to the system we were in so I could refit for damage and race against the clock to kill him before downtime.

And then the first Orca kill happened a month and a half ago:

He aggressed to save two corpmates in Retrievers who engaged me. The Retriever pilots switched into a Sleipnir and a Drake to try and save the Orca, but they landed on grid about ten seconds after my Suspect ended. The Drake actually Concorded himself aggressing me, while the Sleipnir just watched the Orca die.

Well, that's all I have to say for now. Hope you enjoyed reading about it.

TL;DR: Miners are bad at Eve.

So anyway, this morning I spent a few minutes canflipping while I was reading the Reddit comments, and within a few minutes I had another Orca aggress me. Seriously, what the fuck? How is this even possible?

So I took a screencap as proof, since at this point even I am having trouble believing this is happening:

I posted that on Reddit while I pinged in Belligerent Undesirables for backup again.

After about 5 minutes a Wolf showed up. He started hitting me really hard, and I thought I was going to lose the Orca. I sent my drones after him but shortly afterwards I had to burn out of his range to avoid his damage. I was about 60-70km away from the Orca at one point, and my disruptor was deactivated, but instead of warping off like he should have, he was cocky and decided to stick around to watch me die. The only problem was his terrible friend in the Wolf was forced to warp off when he hit sturcture. He was dropping so fast I'm not even sure if he had a tank fit.

So I burned back and pointed the Orca again before he had the sense to leave, and after a few minutes my aggro to the Wolf and Suspect were over. One of their corpmates showed up in a Talwar to give me killrights, but after that it was just an easy, if not slow, Orca kill.

Some cool guys from BU did show up with bumps and logi, but in the end they weren't needed. This was the easiest Orca kill of them all, despite the Wolf.

So yeah, 3 Orca kills with Tristans, from canflipping, in less than 3 days. I have had worse weeks.

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